5 Mindfulness Practices that Help a Grieving Brain Heal

When someone you love dies, your grieving brain redraws its neural map of your relationship, updating and rewiring neural pathways. For instance, whenever you feel bereft and confronted with your loved one's absence, your brain is learning they're gone—and as these neural pathways get updated, eventually their absence won't be so glaring or feel like a gut punch. Likewise, whenever you're sorrowfully reminded of your loved one, your brain learns to also remember they are dead—and as these neural pathways are rewired, eventually you can remember them fondly without falling into distress every time.

Unfortunately, redrawing the neural map can be a painful process. And it might last a while, because your grieving brain requires many sorrowful experiences to learn, update, and rewire those neural pathways.

But you can actively ease the rewiring process by implementing mindfulness practices. Here are five practices that can soothe your grieving brain and boost its neuroplasticity.

Mindfulness in the Present Moment

One hallmark of mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment. When you are in the present moment, you are not regretting the past nor fearing the future. Mindful breathing is an easy yet powerful way to tune into the present moment. By drawing your attention to your breath, you can quiet your busy or distressed mind. Over the course of a few minutes, as you keep relaxing and returning your wandering attention to your breath, your brain can reset into calm. It may help to place your hand on your belly and focus on how it moves in and out.

Mindfulness meditation is another practice that can help your brain (and body) deal with the stress of grief and mourning as well as boost neuroplasticity. Look online for mindfulness meditations you find soothing.

Mindfully Observe Your Thoughts

You can also cultivate calm and rewire positive neural pathways by becoming aware of your thoughts and the emotions they trigger. For example, when you have the thought, “This is crippling me, and I will never get over this,” notice how upset you feel. If you perseverate on this thought, you add to your distress and wire a pessimistic neural pathway. In contrast, when you think, “This is really hard, but I’m doing the best I can, and I will survive,” then you can feel reassured and hopeful in spite of the pain you’re in, and you wire an optimistic neural pathway.

Similarly, be mindful of when you are ruminating on your loss and grief, and note whether you’re obsessing over “what might have been” or reflecting on “what is.” Obsessing on "what might have been" can keep you stuck in regrets and the past, whereas reflecting on "what is" can help you accept and reinvent your life going forward. Reflection engages the process of redrawing your neural map in ways that boost your well-being.

Mindful Journaling

Your brain is struggling to process a whirlwind of experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Journaling can boost this process by helping you find the words, which can help you make sense of it and find meaning, rather than just getting lost in a giant blob of pain. And instead of letting the blob go around and around in your head, you can put the blob on paper and then get on with your day or sleep better at night.

Also, write for yourself, nobody else. Be honest, creative, and messy as you please. Simply write down what’s been happening. Describe the timeline and your feelings. Explain what pains you, and question the thoughts that trigger upset. Note what's helpful to you and what isn't. Write down your insights and epiphanies. Make lists of your values and goals. Follow your train of thought, and try taking it in new directions. Add scribbles, drawings, charts, fabric, stickers, photographs, and other mementos, and whatever else helps you express yourself and find peace. A legitimate start is, "I'm not a writer and I have no idea how to do this."

Mindfulness Therapy

While journaling can be as therapeutic as therapy, when you face an arduous journey, you likely shouldn’t go it alone. A mindfulness-based therapeutic professional can support you in becoming more aware of your thoughts, feelings, situations, and experiences as you process them, cope with your pain, and redraw your neural map. Particularly if you feel chronically overwhelmed, stuck, or lost, therapy can support your mindfulness practices and help you move toward adjustment and healing.

If applicable, at some point, maybe sooner rather than later, you might also benefit from trauma-focused treatment, such as EMDR, particularly if you find that mindfulness practices are making you feel worse, not better. Internal family systems therapy (IFS or "parts work") can also help you become more mindful of your inner experiences and boost a sense of well-being and connection to your authentic self. In general, therapy can help you grow and live your best life.

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Mindful Self-Compassion

Last but not least, a key facet of mindfulness is to cultivate self-compassion as you grieve and your brain rewires. This practice includes

• remembering that suffering is universal;
• greeting all your thoughts and feelings with curiosity and kindness rather than judgement;
• recognizing that grieving and rewiring take all the time theyt need;
• accepting and going with the flow;
• knowing that you'll have good days and bad;
• being patient;
• seeking growth;
• having faith in your resilience.

Indeed, you can view each challenging experience as an opportunity for your brain to learn, and view each pang of grief as evidence that your brain is redrawing its neural map, eventually enabling you to adjust and move forward into healing.

Together and separately, these five mindfulness practices can help you feel more calm, reflective, reassured, supported, and self-compassionate as you grieve.