Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): Some Causes and Solutions

Source: mikoto raw Photographer / Pexels

Fear of missing out (FOMO) is defined as worrying about being absent from or overlooking a rewarding social experience. To avoid "missing out" on these experiences, in modern times, many individuals are driven to stay connected on social media.

Unfortunately, those online connections don't always meet our psychological and social needs and may even highlight additional experiences we are missing out on. As a result, the modern problem of FOMO continues to grow.

The general nature of FOMO is an old human problem that is too well-known to economists. When given a choice, we all want to know the best way to spend our limited time and resources. We all want to pick the best opportunity and feel the loss when we miss out. So, how can we combine insights from psychology and economics to help us make better decisions and break us out of the FOMO cycle? Research has the answers.

Psychology and FOMO

Work by Przybylski, Murayama, DeHaan, and Gladwell (2013) evaluated FOMO from a psychological perspective. They began by constructing a questionnaire to measure people's feelings about FOMO. Some questions evaluated fears that friends or other people "have more rewarding experiences than me." Other questions explored negative feelings that arise when someone"doesn't know what their friends are up to" and is compelled to "share details online." Taken together, the more an individual feels these negative feelings and is compelled to use social media, the more FOMO they experience.

In follow-up studies, Przybylski and associates (2013) looked at how FOMO related to motivation and behavior. They focused on a few basic needs that motivate individuals and foster self-determination. Specifically, those needs were:

• Competency: The need to act effectively in the world.
• Relatedness: The need to be close and connected with others.
• Autonomy: The need to make one's own decisions and take personal initiative.

The team found that people experiencing FOMO were less likely to be getting those needs met elsewhere in life. They did not feel competent, related, or autonomous. As a result, their mood was poor, and life felt unsatisfying.

In an attempt to meet those needs and improve their mood, FOMO sufferers turned to social media. Unfortunately, social media use became distracting and created mixed feelings instead. Thus, going online sometimes didn't help or even made the situation worse—but why?

Economics and FOMO

To answer that question, we need to look at more recent research by Good and Hyman (2020), exploring FOMO from an economic and marketing perspective. In an initial review, they found three things related to FOMO and purchase choice:

• Anticipated Envy: People who wanted others to envy them were likelier to feel FOMO and buy something.
• Anticipated Elation: People who felt elation when they imagined or fantasized about something were also more likely to feel FOMO and purchase that thing or experience.
• Comforting Rationalizations: People who took the time to comfort themselves and think about their decisions, in contrast, were less likely to experience FOMO or make a purchase.

Subsequent surveying by Good and Hyman (2020) supported these three dynamics and their relationship to FOMO. Specifically, people who wanted to be envied experienced the strongest feelings of FOMO, followed by those who wanted to feel elated. Essentially, such individuals were strongly motivated to buy something but were not always very happy about it. That is likely because envy or elation does not really help someone feel more competent or connected to others.

Nevertheless, those who comforted themselves and thought things through seemed to make more satisfying choices. As a result, their feelings of FOMO tended to diminish. Rather than getting swept away by externally-induced feelings of fear, they may have been better able to meet their needs for autonomy and self-determination instead.

Dealing With FOMO

Given the above, we can see that we all experience FOMO. Everyone wants to feel competent, connected to others, and able to make their own choices. Everyone also feels bad when those needs are not met—and looks for the best way to spend their time and money to meet them.

Unfortunately, modern marketing and media sometimes hack that system. It replaces competency with envy and connection with elation. This keeps us plugged in and buying but ultimately dissatisfied. So, we click, surf, and purchase, being externally driven by fear rather than motivated by our own autonomy and self-determination. Then we wonder why we are not happy.

Fear Essential Reads

How to Overcome the Fear of Death

Torchlusspanik: The Fear of the Gate Closing

So, what do we do about it? First, take a moment to think clearly rather than being manipulated by fear. Evaluate things from multiple perspectives. Consider whether you are gaining anything valuable by participating in an activity. In that way, you can begin to assert your own autonomy and independence.

Next, think about whether the activity or opportunity actually helps you be more competent and effective in the world. Just because others might envy you for doing something doesn't mean it will make you a better person. Doing what everyone else is doing or wants to do isn't always best for you. Remember, you're not really "missing out" on something if it wastes your time and money to do it.

Finally, consider whether you like the people participating in a social interaction. Being compelled or manipulated into relationships can make you miserable. So, don't let yourself get led astray by being elated over a fantasy. Hanging out with people you don't really like or fretting over keeping up with them online does not make you feel happy or connected.

Instead, it can help to take some time to make a good decision. That will help you choose to spend time with the people you actually like in real life, doing things that make you more competent and effective. That way, you'll be more likely to satisfy your basic social and emotional needs and less likely to fear missing out.

© 2023 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.