Women’s Stress Can Skyrocket During the Holidays

The holidays are difficult for many women in the best of times. The reason? Stress. Nothing says stress like the holidays. Women may feel pressure from others and exert enormous pressure on themselves to make holiday magic. Women may feel additional pressure this season because many holiday celebrations have been curtailed or deferred because of the pandemic. Women may bear an additional burden to make up for those lost years.

All the stress wrapped in a big bow

Holidays with the traditions and the values they represent are important. Men and women both tend to charge women with the task of preserving them. Some women assume this charge intentionally and willingly while others may feel it is foisted on them. Women internalize this pressure and may even recognize it but still be unable to lessen it. They may view lessening that pressure as shirking their responsibilities to meet the expectations of others.

The holidays and the labor they require put extra burdens on already stretched women. During the year, women provide most of caring and domestic labor. Preparing special food, buying presents, hosting gatherings all get layered on top of the daily labor. Women between the ages of 50-65 may be caring for adult children or raising grandchildren while also caring for their own elderly parents or in-laws. These women experience multiple and competing demands, all of which cannot be met however hard a woman tries. Time becomes an enemy because there never seems to be enough of it.

Holidays are not cheap; household budgets become strained during them. Women often are the managers of the household budgets. Having to stretch very limited dollars during a recession may require additional time and effort. It also may require heartbreaking decisions about paying bills, buying presents, having money for school events, etc. There may be no genuine good choices but only choices that aren’t as bad. Rock, hard place, quicksand, and a swamp are all options, but none is desirable. Many women report that they will sacrifice something so that they can provide for others.

An extra drink or dose of medication may seem appealing

All these stresses leave women especially vulnerable during the holiday season to using or abusing alcohol or other drugs. Women who struggle with addiction or are in recovery may be especially vulnerable. Nostalgia for a time before their use became unmanageable can be seductive. So, too, is the belief that they are no longer the same person who struggled and are in a much better place in their lives. Perhaps they stop going to meetings or checking regularly with other friends in recovery.

For those women who can’t remember a time without alcohol and drugs, their imaginations may be fired by fantasies that are the stuff of most pop culture holiday fare. Everything always turns out far more than okay in a Hallmark Christmas movie. Whatever competing demands those characters face are reconciled. In the stranglehold of competing and unmeetable demands in reality, women may put their sobriety further down the priority list.

For those women who are not addicted, the extra glass of wine or an additional dose of a benzodiazepine (used to treat anxiety) or s sleep medication may start to look more appealing. These may be viewed as a reward for all the hard work, a coping mechanism for the stress, or a well-deserved respite. Alcohol is a disinhibitor, which may make it easier to have another drink or combine it with a prescription medication. Benzos affect cognitive function, which may make bad or even dangerous situations look good. Adding embarrassment and regret to skyrocketing stress levels may only make a woman more vulnerable. A vicious cycle can begin with unthinking behaviors.

Follow an air safety recommendation

While women have been socialized to think about others first, the holidays may be a time when women need to think about ourselves first. When we do so, we run the risk of being called selfish. We may even regard ourselves as selfish. One of the recommendations given during the flight safety overview is useful here. In the event of a pressure change in the airplane, adults are told to put on their own oxygen masks before putting them on their children. Women need to do the equivalent with holidays. Women are under pressure and we need to be able to breathe—literally and figuratively—so we best ensure we can do so.