Why Lies Are Triggering for Many With Childhood Trauma

In the book Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix, there is a scene where an authority figure demands Harry and the other young witches and wizards to write repeatedly "I will not tell lies," often as a punishment for revealing an imminent problem that such authority wants to ignore. Those words turn into nasty marks and injuries. In a small way, I am reminded of what many individuals who have experienced childhood and family trauma go through in terms of their realities being denied and replaced with harmful ideas such as "I am a bad kid."

As a therapist, I have noticed a trend of these individuals becoming especially destabilized when lied to as adults. Of course, no one likes to be lied to. Yet, for some lies are a particularly sharp trigger. When a person's reality has been denied, when their truth was replaced by another, or when lies are created to cover family secrets, even white lies can represent clear triggers back to those emotions. The person might not play back the content of the memories, but the emotional response is often there.

If Trust Is Like Gold, Lies Are Like a Bank Robber

For those who have experienced significant trauma, finding trust is incredibly difficult. A study that compared 32 people diagnosed with PTSD due to interpersonal trauma to 22 healthy controls found that even when playing a game with no real-life danger, those with PTSD were significantly less likely to trust even a game partner who was behaving cooperatively (Bell et al., 2019). This tracks alongside what trauma survivors have shared for ages, it is hard to trust even in scenarios where trust might reasonably be earned.

For some, the only person who is trusted is the self, putting a high task on keeping safe. When we have good information, we can do that. Yet, lies pose a clear threat. When a person lies or asks us to lie, safety is lost.

Reality Checks

When a person's trauma involved severe invalidation such as one whose sexual assault went unbelieved or of a child who had to hide domestic violence in the home, their internal and external realities did not match. As adults, this puts one in a place where a person's sense of reality can feel shaken. It can be easier to doubt one's self or one might look for outside confirmation more often.

Lies directly challenge this. Feeling one's story being once again unheard, or even being told untruths about small things can bring back that illusionary feeling. Truth is key to grounding

In Closing

If you have experienced trauma, especially trauma in childhood, and find that it is tough for you to cope with lies, know that you are not alone. Your experience is valid. Even white lies may very well have a feeling of threat to you.

Also, know that healing is possible. If you are struggling with difficulties such as believing your own story or trusting others, psychotherapy can help immensely.