Perfectionism Is Self-Deception

There are at least four different forms of perfectionism. Each of them results from self-deception that can cause a person to have a great deal of unhappiness in her life. Left unchecked, perfectionism can result in a person harboring huge resentment directed at others. Perfectionism can also result in a person making the judgment that she is a moral failure.

Perfectionism as procrastination. Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) claims procrastination is a failure of the will or willingness to act where one knows and understands she should. The will’s dormancy even for a split second opens a gap between understanding and action that grows wider and hence more difficult to bridge as time passes. A person knows what she should do but yet keeps putting it off.

Confusing the issue is that procrastination when combined with perfectionism looks like and in some cases is a lot of activity. For example, consider an academic who wants to submit an article for publication. She writes a draft of the article but then decides she really does need to read another article and then another. Perhaps she polishes that article, fine tuning her language and offering beautiful metaphors. She knows that she should send the article off but yet she keeps putting it off in the hopes of making it not just better but perfect in the sense of being The Definitive Treatment of a particular subject. She wants a journal acceptance and knows she needs to submit it before it can be accepted. But she cannot allow herself to let the article go just yet. As Kierkegaard notes, procrastination is like sewing without tying a knot at the end of the thread. All the motions of sewing are there but not the practical consequences.

Perfectionism as over-estimation of actual abilities. Perfectionists set the bar impossibly high yet operate with the expectation that they will be able to clear that bar in their actions. Some people tend to chronically overestimate their abilities while others tend to chronically underestimate theirs. The under-estimators and the over-estimators lack perspective on what they can and cannot do. They just plain get it wrong about their abilities and don’t even know it. That’s self-deception.

Based on inaccurate assessments of their actual abilities, people set their expectations for achievement. If under-estimators expect to clear any bar, it must be one set so very low that anyone would be able to clear. (This is the opposite of perfectionism that might be called, “Not even good enough.”) It is the over-estimators who are more prone to perfectionism. There is often a significant distance between what we expect ourselves to be able to do and what we are actually able to do. Our expectations may color our assessments, which may tend to widen that already existing gap between actual abilities and expectations. If that gap is acknowledged even for a bit, the characteristic move to close that gap is to begin to consider our potential abilities, which is the third form of perfectionism.

Perfectionism as over-estimation of potential abilities. Every person spends some amount of time imagining what it is they might be able to do. Oftentimes, there is a chain of reasoning that runs along like this: I am able to do this so I will be able to do that because they are similar. In some cases, this comparison and subsequent conclusion that one will be able to do that is justified. However, when the types of activities are very different from one another, it becomes more difficult to make good comparisons and draw well-founded conclusions.

Imagine that a person is very good at doing that first activity and has had great success with it. She is able to meet the standards she sets for herself there. When that person tries the new activity, she expects on some level that she will be able to replicate her success. She makes the mistake of assuming that abilities translate across activities, so she overestimates her potential abilities. This overestimation results in her having skewed expectations that she cannot possibly meet. Yet she expects herself to meet them because she understands herself as a type of person who has met the highest standards before.

Complicating the matter of perfectionism even more the fact that being able to do something perfectly is not simply a matter of my capacity and willingness. Yes, of each these plays an important role and their absence may make it impossible to accomplish a goal. However, their presence does not guarantee success. There are all kinds of factors and limiting conditions that have nothing to do with me personally that affect achievement. This leads to the fourth form of perfectionism.

Perfectionism as over-estimation of how much a person controls the world. This is the view that a person should be able to control all factors that affect her activities and achievement. This is another failure of assessment in the direction of overestimation. Rather than a person’s will, actual abilities, and potential abilities being the site of the mistaken assessment, everything else in the world is the subject of mistaken assessment. More specifically, the perfectionist who believes that she should be able to control all the factors and conditions that contribute to her achievement makes a catastrophic error in judgment. By expecting to control everything, she puts herself in an impossible situation. This impossible situation has at least two outcomes. One is that she will resent anything and anyone whom she sees as thwarting her actions and achievements. That resentment may well become toxic. The other option is that she directs her focus inward and make the judgment that she is a moral failure. Regardless of which path she travels, happiness will remain elusive.