ADHD, Social Norms, and the Workplace

ADHD can be a challenge in the workplace

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The workplace can be a rollercoaster for an ADHD brain.

In some ways, the average work environment can provide structure to neurodivergent individuals. While people with ADHD may rebel against routine, sometimes having a consistent schedule can help them stay on top of daily tasks.

On the other hand, that same structure can be a nightmare for ADHD minds. People with ADHD tend to crave novelty, and doing the same thing each day makes it much harder to stay engaged in their work.

There is another obstacle that ADHD folks face in the workplace, one many don’t even recognize as an obstacle at all. Growing up, we learn the ins and outs of interacting with people around us in different contexts. At school, at home, hanging out with friends, and of course, at work. Ideally, these social norms help us to navigate these spaces, to the point where we don’t even have to think about them.

For neurodivergent people though—that is, people with ADHD, autism, or other neurodevelopmental differences—they don’t always have that same roadmap by the time they start their careers.

Social norms are something we learn throughout our lives, in many contexts

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ADHD and Social Cues

Being raised as a person with ADHD in a neurotypical society means potentially missing the skills that dictate our social norms. These social impacts can stem from any number of places, depending on how it manifests for the person.

Core facets of ADHD like impulse control or difficulty controlling attention make it challenging for someone to engage in conversations with neurotypical people; they may interrupt, “ramble,” or have trouble staying present while others are speaking. They could also struggle to remember details about others, even if they’d been told multiple times.

While none of these things are done intentionally, they give the appearance of a bad conversation partner, or partner in general, which doesn’t often appeal to someone who doesn’t understand ADHD’s nuances. It can create conflict, and cause friends or significant others to distance themselves from the person.

This is only made worse by the emotional side of ADHD. People with ADHD are not as able to regulate their emotional reactions. Anger, excitement, sadness—they show up, and they hit hard, and without the ability to properly manage those feelings, they overwhelm a person, sometimes to the point where they act out against their better judgment.

If a person with ADHD then also suffers from something known as rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD, then going on tangents or regulating anger is just one small piece of the pie. RSD is when a person constantly perceives rejection or criticism—real or imagined—from others. That perceived criticism isn’t just feeling blue about a B on a test. It can be physically painful, and absolutely debilitating for the individual’s self-worth.

Social norms are a larger part of our workplace than we realize

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As if that wasn’t impactful enough, the combination of perceived rejection, or conflict with others, or not being able to take in and comprehend information, very frequently leads to experiences of social anxiety, likely to the point of social anxiety disorder diagnosis.

These factors are impairing enough in any context.

However, listening and comprehending others, speaking at appropriate times, managing frustration, taking criticism—one can imagine that in many workplace environments, those skills aren’t just the goal, they are the expectation.

Workplace Social Norms vs. ADHD

Just as social difficulty can stem from many different roots, it can come into play in many different areas of a job.

One such area is the interview process itself. Interviews are stressful enough, even with the right social tools, and are rich with unspoken protocols—how and what to talk about, which questions to ask, how to hold yourself.

An ADHD person with poor impulse control, then, may be more likely to say something they don’t mean. They might go off on a tangent about a string of topics that make sense for them, but not for the interviewer across from them. Or they may fidget, whether from nerves, trouble controlling attention, or both.

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Say, also, that someone with ADHD doesn’t get the job they want? That real rejection would create the perception of failure, or hopelessness. It may prevent someone from even pursuing a certain career at all.

Should an ADHD person land the job, though, the social details within an everyday workplace leave them feeling like an actor with the wrong script. Say you are working on a project with a team, and aren’t sure how everyone is timing out when to speak up or when to stay quiet—especially after being scolded so many times for “monopolizing the discussion.” So, you stay silent.

You may not even absorb the discussion at all, because trying to focus so hard on finding a gap in the conversation means little to no mental energy can go to comprehension.

Not being able to properly process time—a symptom referred to as "time blindness"—might make someone frequently late to shifts or spend longer than others on tasks.

Creating connections at work can be a challenge with ADHD

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Employers, as well as fellow employees, can find this irritating, or perceive it as laziness or incompetence. This will no doubt affect the person’s interactions with others.

And it isn’t just the working relationship that’s impacted. Making connections with coworkers is an important part of making the workplace enjoyable, especially since a lot of us spend the vast majority of our days there.

From the interview process to day-to-day office interactions, people with ADHD are engaged in a game of catch-up in their careers, sometimes consciously, and sometimes not. It’s therefore important to understand the ways that ADHD manifests, both in your work and in your relationships.

And just as important, as a professional with ADHD, it’s okay to recognize that social norms in and out of work may not come as easily. While it can be easy to feel as though you are less competent or qualified than neurotypical colleagues, ADHD only means processing the world differently, and learning to adapt in a way that works for you.