Navigating Life’s Crossroads

Major Life Transitions

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Transitions in life are inevitable. We eventually graduate from school and move into the workforce. We might get married, switch jobs or careers, have a major illness, break up, get divorced, retire, or have somebody we love pass away. We move into different life stages as we transition from adolescence into adulthood or from a student to an employee to a retiree. These major crossroads in life involve moving from one state or situation to another, and they are almost always difficult on a psychological and emotional level because they put us in unfamiliar territory. This internal psychological journey has to be taken to assimilate and adjust to the implications of major change—addressing the emotional toll of leaving behind what once was (what is ending) to moving on to something new.

Transitions that happen to us involuntarily (such as a major illness or death) may involve walking the emotional stages of grief, from denial through acceptance. These are especially difficult and may require counseling and a lot of inner work. My focus here is on those life changes that you voluntarily undertake; those things you can anticipate and plan for.

As I started writing this, it was Vietnam Veterans Day, which reminded me of the sacrifices that military personnel and their spouses and families make to protect our country and the transitions they continuously make. I grew up in a military family with my father as a U.S. Air Force officer, and we made constant moves from country to country and base to base. The most important skills I’ve learned—how to make new friends, be disciplined, and respect authority—all come from this military upbringing. Military service impacts not only the service member but also their spouses and children. I have a ton of respect for all of the 1.4 million active military personnel who serve our country. But no matter how successful a military career is, it will usually result in a transition back to civilian life, to a new job or home, new social connections, new wounds or injuries to manage, or a completely new way of living. There are 18 million living retirees from the military who have all made this important transition.¹

This is why I was so intrigued when I read about the launch of the Transition Program from the United Service Organizations (USO). The USO is a nonprofit charitable organization chartered by Congress with the mission of “strengthening the well-being of the people serving in America’s military and their families.”³

I didn’t know much about the program, so to learn more I met with the USO chief operating officer, Christopher Plamp, a retired Air Force Colonel, pilot, and decorated war veteran. Lisa Elswick, the vice president of Transition Programs at the USO, also helped me understand how the USO can help improve the social and financial well-being of the military men and women through their programs.²

Many readers probably know of the USO based on their entertainment activities, with celebrities such as Bob Hope famously helping to entertain troops and maintain morale. Or, you might have seen the lounges in an airport, which are there to help provide a safe space in between flights. But the USO is now taking a proactive effort through the Transition Program to improve “connectedness, well-being, and mental health of the troops,” Plamp told me. The USO is doing this by offering active duty, Reserve, National Guard, and military spouses professional development services throughout the duration of military service as well as in preparation for life post-military. This includes helping to prepare individuals for new careers after the service, becoming financially ready, and improving social well-being. Elswick says that the program has five main pillars of readiness: employment, education, finances, wellness, and mentorship. Through transition specialists located around the world, they are helping to meet virtually and in-person with service members who are concerned about their future transition and how to get better prepared. I love all aspects of this program.

Tips for Resilience and Smooth Transitions

Although this program is quite specialized to the needs of the military, we can learn a lot from it about how to approach career and life transitions. The focus has to be on building resiliency to move from one situation to another smoothly. So, what insights can we gain from a choice perspective on how to navigate life’s crossroads? Here are seven tips:

1. Take some time to pause and reflect on what is happening. Spend some time focusing on yourself—bringing awareness of your emotions and feelings. It's OK to remember what "once was" and to be sad, uncomfortable, even unhappy. But then shift your focus on what "could be." Imagine different possibilities. Open yourself up to the possibilities and positive changes.
2. Anticipated transitions involve careful planning to improve certainty and reduce anxiety. Start planning early.
3. Readiness for change requires time to allow individuals to accept and process the change as well as to get technically and emotionally prepared. If you are preparing for a transition, you will need to invest time.
4. Set clear intentions about what you are looking for, what is important to you, and where you hope to end up. Intentions help build mental awareness.
5. For spouses and families, remain cohesive. Stick together, because transitions can destroy relationships. When anticipating change, work as a family.
6. Stop procrastinating! It’s easy to keep putting this off, but the earlier you can address it, the lower the tension and anxiety.
7. Finally, stay positive. Optimism can help lessen the anxiety and stress you are going through.

Major life transitions stir up emotions including uncertainty and unfamiliarity. They can create such excessive anxiety that the success of the transition itself is often jeopardized. However, with dedication to being intentional, proactive planning, and consistent follow-through, you can navigate transitions such as finding a new career, spouse, or life path and emerge as the best version of yourself. I am positive you can create smooth transitions for yourself this year.