What is the Most Important Decision You Make?

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It is estimated that an average adult makes 35,000 decisions every day. Decisions range from the mundane (“Which shoes should I wear?”) to the serious (“Should I change careers?”)

Lost in this tsunami of choices is a decision we rarely give even passing attention to: Who do we want to spend time with? Rather, most of us passively accept invitations, hang with those who live or work nearby, or just robotically attend social events and activities we have been going to for years.

Research by leading neuroscientist Dr. Moran Cerf of Northwestern University indicates that we should alter this mindless behavior and instead consciously and proactively orchestrate the people we socialize with. Cerf asserts that our friend choices are actually the most important decision we make.

Why? Because the people we choose influence a multitude of decisions we make, and those decisions mold who we are as a person, our behaviors, how healthy we are, and ultimately how happy we are.

This happens because our brain waves sync up with the brain waves of the people we spend time with. This phenomenon is referred to as neural coupling and it creates coherence between people’s thoughts and actions. Our brains literally form similar neural pathways over time, wiring together and firing together.

It just makes sense that if we are going to align our brain waves with someone else, we ought to be sure that we like the way their brains work. Syncing your brain with the brains of people who are making choices that don’t support your values and goals will inevitably lead to you making choices that pull you farther away from where you want to be and farther away from health and happiness. Negative people will bring us down, squelch our dreams, discourage us, and drain us—and soon, we may be just as pessimistic and forlorn as they are. Over time, you may even find yourself making the same bad decisions they make.

On the other hand, positive people can lift us up, challenge us to be our best, raise our standards, encourage healthy behaviors, and bring us joy. Likewise, people with strong values and integrity will deepen and sharpen our honorable characteristics. People who live a healthy lifestyle will influence us to strive for optimal health. Developing neural homophily with people that we admire and with whom we share values becomes even more important as we age because strong bonds of authentic friendship are associated with less disease, more longevity, and greater life satisfaction.

Take some time to consider the people you are spending your time with. Do these friends share your views on life? Do they spend time and effort on things you value? Are their behaviors ones that you want to emulate? Do they actively want the best for you and encourage you? Do they hold you accountable? Do you want your life to follow the same trajectory you foresee for their lives?

Taking the time to find the friends we’d like our brains to sync up with may not be easy. But if we persevere and make good choices, science also says we will get the added benefit of having to make fewer decisions because we will be riding along on the coattails of the positive decisions and choices our friends make.

Mind melding with the right people will both lower our decision fatigue and improve our level of happiness—a win-win for sure.