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Rejection Sensitivity
Shunning – The Ultimate Rejection Part II
Is Shunning an Instinctual or Learned Behavior?
Posted March 2, 2013
If primates kiss and make up, why don’t we?
Our previous article on shunning (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-time-cure/201302/shunning-the-u…) seemed to hit a nerve with readers as we enjoyed lively blog activity as well as heart wrenching emails from those seeking in depth solutions to the problem, wanting assistance or to share their personal stories of being shunned. One astute blogger directed us to a study on primates’ behavior which, in turn, led us to review an interesting article by Jane Goodall. Is shunning instinctual? And if we are the recipient, how do we cope? Let’s find out.
Primate Societies are Characterized by Cooperation
In Franz B.M. deWahl’s fascinating article, Primates – A Natural Heritage of Conflict Resolution (see reference below) he reports, “The traditional notion of aggression as an antisocial instinct is being replaced by a framework that considers it a tool of competition and negotiation. When survival depends on mutual assistance, the expression of aggression is constrained by the need to maintain beneficial relationships. Moreover, evolution has produced ways of countering its disruptive consequences. For example, chimpanzees kiss and embrace after fights, and other non-human primates engage in similar ‘reconciliations’. Theoretical developments in the field carry implications for human aggression research. From families to high schools, aggressive conflict is subject to the same constraints known of cooperative animal societies. It is only when social relationships are valued that one can expect the full compliment of natural checks and balances.
“Primate societies are characterized by cooperation. Some species such as chimpanzees and humans, show collective intercommunity violence. More often, however, alliances are formed within the group with two or more individuals banding together to defeat a third. As a result, high-ranking individuals are not necessarily the strongest, but the ones that can mobilize most support.”
So, overall we are cooperative, which one might interpret as a positive thing, but we are also cooperative in negative ways as evidenced by “intercommunity violence” instigated by bullies, which, for purposes of this column includes shunning. Let’s see what our other primate expert says.
Jane Goodall Weighs In
World renowned primatologist, ethologist, anthropologist, and UN Messenger of Peace Jane Goodall shares an insightful view from her article Social Rejection Exclusion and Shunning Among the Gombe Chimpanzees (see reference below), “Until quite recently, newcomers (or ‘foreigners’) who moved into a traditional English village were seldom really accepted by the majority of residents until they had lived there for a good many years. The initial fear, followed by avoidance and shunning of the polio victims (this in reference to a chimpanzee tribe), "also finds it’s parallel in human behavior, particularly, though by no means only, among children. In both chimpanzee and human society, the crippled or disfigured 'victim', will usually be accepted once he (she) has become thoroughly familiar. But group sanction, group punishment of deviant behavior through ostracism (shunning), as practiced in human groups, has not yet evolved in a truly sophisticated way in chimpanzee society…”
A Giant Leap in Shunning
As humans have evolved we have developed a myriad of situations and places in which to shun and be shunned – from kids’ playgrounds to elders’retirement communities. We have sliced it and diced it and left no one out of the mix. Shunning is cross-gender, (although in social groups it appears females use it more than males), cross-cultural, cross-generational and cross-societal. It communicates a soundless but overwhelmingly loud message of control versus powerlessness and hubris versus disgrace. However, we must not ignore the widespread doctrinal use of shunning in various religious and community groups. Among them, Amish shunning is most dramatic; in fact, there is an interesting movie about it, “Shunning”. It is similarly practiced by all groups that “mark and avoid” anyone who is seen as deviant, as creating divisiveness with the accepted doctrine—Jehova Witnesses, Bahai Faith, and in the Singapore community. This form of shunning is considered social, in contrast to the mental rejection practiced by individuals against someone that is undesirable for many reasons. But the consequenes of either form of social exclusion are comparable—loss of self-worth and confidence, along with distrust of others - as well as a host of negative physiological symptoms. And of course one of the biggest losses is that of formerly close friends and even family who remain among the “chosen.”
Our Final Analysis
What can we do when we are shunned? We can take control of our reactions and actions. We can attempt to find out why the shunning has occurred or ignore it and move on with our lives – find a new playground and new playmates. Sounds simple – but it’s hard. We might not like what we find out. Or we may find an opportunity to clear up a misunderstanding. It may also be that our contrary view is right on, and there is something in the group that needs fixing. But in the final analysis, we all have a choice and we are all responsible for our actions. No matter what, our future is upon us and we have a choice: We can stare ahead at gloomy skies, or work toward creating a brighter, sunnier future. Of course, as perennial optimists, we always look up and out to better times ahead, and encourage others to join with us on that more inviting path.
Visit our website, www.timecure.com, to view a free 20 minute video - The River of Time; you’ll learn self-soothing techniques as well as how to let go of past negatives, work towards a brighter future, and live in a more compassionate present.
For more information on the effects of PTSD, see The Time Cure: Overcoming PTSD with the New Psychology of Time Perspective Therapy (Zimbardo, Sword & Sword, 2012, Wiley Publishing,) and for strategies to reduce stress and improve communication, visit www.timecure.com and www.lifehut.com.
References
Primates – A Natural Heritage of Conflict Resolution by Franz B.M. deWahl, www.sciencemag.org. Vol 289, 28 July 2000.
Social Rejection Exclusion and Shunning Among the Gombe Chimpanzees by Jane Goodall, California Academy of Sciences. www.bepress.com Undated.
Photos: Dreamstime.com, Shutterstock.com
Note: Check out Robert Sapolsky on Youtu.be. (Thanks Simon Says!)
