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Jews around the world are preparing for the Seder, the Passover feast during which families and friends gather together and recount the story of the exodus from Egypt, sharing the tears of enslavement and the joy of freedom. The Haggadah, the traditional book Jews draw on to tell their story, says, “And every generation is commanded…” As Jews, we tell this story year after year: We identify ourselves as part of multiple generations that have been oppressed and have survived; we have been enslaved, and we have been free. This year, the Passover seder is particularly poignant; amid war and crisis, how can we celebrate and have hope?
In collaboration with ANU, The Museum of the Jewish People in Tel Aviv, my colleague Marshall Duke and I developed guidelines to create an Intergenerational Family Seder Guide. Research from the Family Narratives Lab at Emory University has demonstrated that family stories, stories we know about our parents, and grandparents, and family history, are interwoven with our sense of who we are today. Family stories provide a context for understanding where we came from, what we have been through, and how we can cope with current challenges. Adolescents and young adults who know more about their family history show fewer signs of depression and anxiety, and those who tell more elaborate stories of their family’s past show higher self-esteem and higher meaning and purpose in life. Family stories give us a sense of strength and comfort.
This year, when so much of the world is in turmoil, when everyone, Jews included, is navigating a painful and unknown future, family stories can help us find the hope we so desperately need. The Passover story is one of the quintessential stories of Jewish identity, passed down across generations, that connects us to our families and history. The Intergenerational Family Seder provides various ways that families might integrate their own stories into the Exodus story to find the hope and resilience we seek.
How Can You Include Your Own Family Stories in the Passover Seder?
Here are the guidelines we developed for the Intergenerational Family Seder:
The Stories We Were Told
- What was the “Exodus story” you were told about your grandparents? About your parents? And how was this story told? It could be any story that articulates a challenge or struggle: an immigration story, one of sickness, economic hardship, or others.
- Is there a particular person or story that you received from someone who came before you that you thought about on October 7? Why and what do you draw from it?
- Parents and grandparents can consider sharing memories from their own family seders. Who was at their Passover seder growing up? What was on the table? What stories were told? From there, new memories and associations are born.
The Stories We Tell
In telling the story of Exodus, every Jewish generation is commanded to not only tell a story that we received but add a new layer worthy of being passed on and shared with and by the next generation. The Jewish people—as individuals, families, and the greater collective—find themselves rapidly narrating a story. Every Jew has a story from October 7. Consider asking guests:
- Where were you on October 7? How have you reacted in its aftermath? What have you done? Where are you now in this story? What will you want to share and pass on about this period?
The Stories We Yearn For
In an acknowledgment that we are not fully free and that our work, and thus our story, is incomplete and eternal, the seder ends with a cry of yearning that defines the Jewish experience and sense of self. We yearn, demand, and believe in a brighter future for ourselves, our people, and the greater world. In that spirit, ask your guests to articulate what they yearn for:
- What are we afraid to hope for that might seem too distant to bring about?
- What is in our control in bringing about a brighter future?
- As a Jew, what is a world that you imagine for your descendants?
- What is an element of our seder that you want to preserve for future generations?
