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Key points
- Random acts of kindness have a powerful and positive impact on the recipients.
- Research indicates we often underestimate the value of our kind acts.
- Kindness is considered prosocial behavior that benefits everyone.
Two steps down, I got stuck. The steps were uneven, slick with sand. The plastic bags loaded with chocolate bars and graham crackers tugged at my arm.
A bottle rocket fizzled by my head. My friends were sitting around a bonfire, 100 yards away.
Arthritic hips left me stiff and off balance. There was no railing and the stairs cracked in parts. Would this be where I broke a hip? A chill washed over me.
The beach was filled with people below me. The breeze carried their voices. The promenade above and behind me was congested with walkers and bikers and little kids holding cotton candy.
A woman with a cap of gray hair was striding down the sidewalk. My balance wavered when I turned, so I turned away, looked straight ahead, and tried to reorient myself.
“Hi, there,” said a woman’s voice behind me. It was her. The striding woman. And now she was two steps down too. On my step. “Can I give you a hand?”
Kindness Counts
We tend to underestimate the power of kindness, according to research from the University of Texas at Austin. We downplay the importance of our own kind acts, believing, falsely, that they make little difference. That belief can keep us from acting kindly.
Sometimes, we talk ourselves out of doing kind things because we feel nervous that we will be misinterpreted. Or, we weigh the inconvenience against the perceived significance to others and figure the time, effort, and money it takes won't matter much, so we skip it altogether.
Don't do that. We must not do that.
Happiness Spikes With Kindness
In several experiments, researchers found that people experienced higher levels of happiness when they were the recipient of an act of kindness, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.
In one experiment, researchers gave some participants a cupcake for participating in the study. Another group didn't get a cupcake, but members were asked to consider how it would feel to get a cupcake.
A third group was told they could give a cupcake away to strangers.
Researchers found that those who got a cupcake as a result of a random act of kindness felt better than the person giving the cupcake expected.
Also, people who got a cupcake because of an act of kindness felt happier than those who got a cupcake for simply participating in the study, indicating that there was an emotional boost from the gesture, in addition to the cupcake itself.
Good for All
Kindness is considered pro-social behavior that benefits all of us. When we act kindly, we are helping to ease pain, provide support or inspiration, connection, or other help.
This leaves us feeling better about ourselves, too. We like who we are when we do good. And you know what? Others like us more, too.
When we recognize a need and reach out to help, our own act of kindness makes us more likely to receive kindness in return.
And, seeing a kind act or being the recipient of a kind act inspires more kindness. It spreads. Kindness is contagious.
Go Big With Little Kindnesses
When we fail to act because we believe our small act of kindness isn’t that big of a deal, we not only limit the happiness and other benefits for the potential recipient and ourselves, but we also reduce the level of kindness in the world.
We cannot play small.
Sure, it can feel vulnerable to be kind. At times our kindness—like when I offered a ride to an older woman with an armload of groceries and was politely turned away—may be rejected or rebuffed.
But even then, the act alone promotes connection. We can offer kindness as a gift without expectation. It is a way of acknowledging, validating, and supporting each other.
4 ways to make random acts of kindness part of your routine.
- Look for inspiration. Elevate your mood. Tune into good things happening.
- Work from your skill set, interest level, and expertise. I’m not gonna bake you cupcakes (you wouldn't want to eat them anyhow), but I will send you a thank you note, or card of appreciation. I’m more likely to notice and compliment something on the fly than I am to clean your house. It’s okay to give what you are good at, whether it’s in a passing moment or an extended period.
- Remember your power to make a positive difference. Stop overthinking and step into it.
- Schedule a kindness. You may not know what it will look like, or when the opportunity will occur, but you can make a note in your schedule or set an alarm to remind you to lead with a random act of kindness. This reminder prompts us to set the intention and seize the opportunity. Often we get overloaded in the daily routine, but when we take a short break to do good, the rest of the day becomes easier too.
Kindness is active. It's in the doing, not the thinking about the doing. And that doing makes a difference in a world that needs a whole lot more of the kindness we have to give.
Stuck on the Steps
The woman stood next to me on the step.
“Can I give you a hand?” she said, her short hair ruffled in the wind. A smile pushed wrinkles into her cheeks.
She moved in front of me, put my hand on her shoulder, and took a step down. Then another, with me leaning on her until I was standing safely on the sand. Then she was gone.
One tiny, random act of kindness from a stranger. Thirty seconds. Four years ago.
I'm thinking about it still.
