How Asking the Right Questions Can Build Self-confidence

If you’ve lacked self-confidence for a while, you may not even be sure what you want anymore. You just know you want to be more confident. But where do you hope confidence will take you?

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One way to think about it is to ask yourself some questions:

1. What opportunities have I turned down because I didn't feel confident enough?
2. What opportunities would I pursue if I had more confidence?
3. Are there activities I've avoided because of a lack of confidence?
4. In what ways have I limited my life because of fear?

Now, we'll get a little more detailed. Reflect on any of the following areas that are relevant to your life.

Relationships

If you had the confidence to fully live your values in your relationships with family and friends, what would you be doing? Would you approach conflict differently? Would you set stronger boundaries? What about your love life—what would you do if you had unlimited confidence?

Parenting

If you had the confidence to fully live your values as a parent, what would you be doing? Would you participate differently in your children’s lives or model differently for them? Would you take a different approach to discipline?

Family

If you had the confidence to fully live your values in your relationships with your parents, siblings and other family members, what would you be doing?

Work

If you had the confidence to fully live your values in your career, what kind of work would you be doing? What would be your role within an organization? How would you relate to coworkers? What kinds of opportunities would you accept?

Community

If you had the confidence to fully live your values in your community, what would you be doing? What causes or organizations would you be involved in, and what would be your role? How would you connect with others and make a difference in the ways that are most meaningful to you?

Health

If you had the confidence to fully live your values when it comes to your physical and mental well-being, what would you be doing? Would you join a gym or exercise class, regardless of what people might think? Would you get back to an old hobby or activity that always helped you deal with stress, even if maybe you aren’t as “good” at it anymore?

Life enjoyment

Are there other ways in which you’re holding yourself back from enjoying life because of a lack of self-confidence? For instance, maybe you avoid going to the beach because you don’t like how you look in a swimsuit, or you don’t celebrate your own birthday because you don’t want to be the center of attention at a party. Are there things you’d genuinely like to do but haven’t found the confidence?

A Final Note:

No one can tell you what is most important to you. Sure, our culture will say that having a better job, a bigger house, and a fancier car is what we need to make us happy. It takes a lot of strength and conviction to not just go along with societal expectations. Self-confidence doesn’t always look like the “big” move. It can be the confidence to say, “No, this opportunity is not right for me at this time.”