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Marriage

Working Wives

How has the norm of both wives and husbands going to work affected marriage?

Today, two-income households are the standard. Regardless, we can still ask the question of whether or not this scenario has impacted the stability of marriage. In short, have working wives strengthened or weakened the institution?

From one perspective, better employment opportunities give women more control over their own lives and eliminate the need for a husband for financial security. They don’t have to stay in an unsatisfying marriage, and they no longer have to get married to be supported. When both work outside the home, there may be less time devoted to the marriage, particularly if they have demanding jobs. Finally, because both husbands and wives won’t suffer financial hardships to the same extent as when only one partner is working, divorce may be more of a consideration.

The roles held by men and women are no longer as clearly delineated as they once were. Before the 1960s, husbands and wives typically held distinct roles—one was the breadwinner; the other maintained the home and family. Partners had functionally different reasons for staying together. But today, roles overlap, so each partner provides some of the same benefits, which could potentially weaken the need to stay together for some couples.

That said, it does not appear that divorce rates have increased because more women now hold jobs. When divorce occurs, it’s primarily because the marriage is unhappy and not because the wife is working. In fact, it seems more the case that the employment of both spouses can benefit the quality of the relationship. Because both partners face the same issues and problems related to working, there can be a greater sensitivity, flexibility, and responsiveness to each other’s needs. All of this can make for closer emotional connections, not to mention the fact that the added income helps to alleviate the financial burden, and money problems can take a heavy toll on a marriage.

However, it matters why each partner is working. Wives who work because they want to, for instance, are likely happier with their situation. But a wife who feels forced to get a job may feel disappointed with her marital situation, especially if she’s already overloaded with home responsibilities. Such thoughts and feelings may affect how she treats her husband, and hostile feelings coming from both sides can put a strain on the relationship.

Some husbands may feel threatened by their wives’ greater independence as a result of their work, especially if their wives earn more than they do. This is especially likely to be the case if a husband holds a traditional gender perspective, i.e., he believes that he’s supposed to be the primary breadwinner. He may see himself as a poor provider if she fills that role better than he does.

Wives are not oblivious to this, and some will do things that are meant to reduce this risk. They may change jobs if their current one is too demanding, or may limit their success by turning down promotions or reducing their time commitment. But even if they do nothing to limit their work aspirations, many wives may still worry about whether their success is acceptable to their husbands.

What it all comes down to is that women’s entry into the workforce has made gender relations more complex, as have social movements for equality. From the perspective of women as individuals, their improved status is what it should have always been. But equality can also, paradoxically, bring more opportunities for conflict. A wife who thinks she’s working harder than she should around the house and a husband who thinks his wife doesn’t respect him are more likely to confront their partner. This doesn’t necessarily mean couples are less happy today, but anything that increases the chances of conflict can put a marriage at risk.

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