Parents' Top Concern for School-Age Children This Fall

New research tackled one of the most important developmental issues: parents' concerns for their school-age children this fall. As a clinical psychologist, I often say that parents are the true experts on their children, knowing them in a way no one else may ever know or understand them. Parents see their children's strengths as well as their daily struggles. In addition, parents feel an instinctive need to prepare them for life without them one day, which means that parents often reflect on and worry about the potential barriers to their children's later success.

Topping the list of parents' concerns for their children at school this fall, according to new research from the University of Michigan (2023), is the overuse of social media and the Internet. While this research may suggest nothing new in the context of what parents already know, that this concern tops the list indicates parents' continued lack of solutions to help manage the problem. In other words, parents know that social media and the Internet pose a major barrier to their children's overall success, but what they are really reporting is that they need help.

At school, teachers and administrators wrestle with the same issue: They need help, too, managing the power of electronic devices. What are parents, teachers, and other adults in a child's life supposed to do to combat the overwhelming drive children have to seek entertainment and stimulation by means of an electronic device and the various platforms it gives access to, including social media and the Internet?

While schools can set up district-supported regulations and rules, some issues are more difficult for parents to manage at home. It goes without saying that home life does not have the same structures built into the daily routine, as with bells ringing to signify class times and a public address system (school-wide announcements) that communicates expectations and rules.

Because parents at home need help with the problem of the overuse of social media and the Internet, the overall approach parents should focus on is to use a trial-and-error framework to find solutions.

Using a Reward System

One of the most effective ways to motivate positive behavior in a child is to use a reward system. Most importantly, there are two factors when considering a reward system: creating the system and then vigilantly sticking to it on a daily basis.

For the child, using social media and the Internet is something they value and want; for the parents, they must operate from the perspective that using social media and the Internet is a reward. Across many contexts, a reward-based system is utilized to elicit better results in human behavior, and children's behavior provides no exception. If a child is able to access social media and the Internet without having to earn it in any way, a parent will have little to work with to motivate behavior the child isn't interested in doing, including homework, light chores, or healthier extracurricular activities.

Fortunately, many apps exist that allow parents to control the amount of screen time and the types of websites parents can allow their children access to. If not already in place, parents may consider an amount of acceptable screen time and a simple list of acceptable social media platforms to begin.

The next step is to clearly communicate in writing and in conversation which criteria must be met for the child to earn that Internet usage. A simple example is to share with the child that the device will be paid for by the parents and allowed as long as the criteria are met, and a parent may find themselves more successful by allowing, say, several increments of time on the Internet over the course of a day. Setting simple and smaller goals over a shorter period of time is often more successful than setting a big goal over a longer period of time. For example, telling a child or a teenager that they must first finish their math homework, pick everything up off the floor in their bedroom, and take their bath or shower before getting a half hour of screen time is a more realistic scenario than telling the child they need to "finish everything they have to do" before using the Internet later that night.

A Difficult Factor to Control

Part of the problem parents face with their children's use of social media and the Internet is that children can also easily ask a friend to use their devices and access sites or spend time their parents may not approve of on a borrowed device. For this reason, focusing too much on completely controlling this behavior in their children may lead to more severe acting out on the Internet. Parents must focus as much on encouraging their children to make good decisions about how they spend their time and the sites they visit on the Internet, and they may relay stories of risk that have befallen other children online to help their children understand why they care. Ultimately, parents must work to help their children see that their goal is not to control but to ensure safety and overall life success.