Quick Tips for Distress Tolerance

Stress Relaxation Relax

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In my recent blog posts, I have been exploring the broad topic of resilience. For instance, I started with optimism and how it can impact outcomes, including performance, health, and in some cases, even longevity. What do we do, however, when despite a rosy outlook and our best efforts, negative outcomes occur? Another aspect of resilience is managing successfully the setbacks in life while tolerating the negativity (sadness, anger, frustration, excessive anxiety) that comes with these inevitable vicissitudes. This is where distress tolerance comes in.

As we all know, negative experiences are going to occur, to ourselves, and to our children. Psychologists look at distress tolerance as a sort of psychic damage control. As with optimism, some of us – by temperament – are born with higher degrees of distress tolerance. The challenge for those with reduced degrees of distress tolerance is to increase that capacity, that is to learn to roll with things. There are a few proven ways to do this:

Relax, No Really, Relax. This may sound easy, but it is actually a bit of a paradox autonomically. When we experience distress, our bodies are in a state of arousal. Blood pressure goes up, as does heart rate and muscle tension. This is the fight-flight-or-freeze response that is helpful in a true emergency but decidedly counter-productive in most other settings. Utilizing deep-breathing techniques is one of the most effective ways to send signals to the brain that all is well, and the physiological markers of stress will diminish accordingly. Researchers tested this concept among soldiers returning from combat and found that intensive breathing exercises reduced their anxiety in just one week. Guided imagery would also fall under this heading. This can be as simple as finding your happy place. For my son, this place by a mile is the San Diego Zoo. Just reminding him to picture a beloved exhibit there helps him feel that all is right with the world.

Practice Radical Acceptance. This is a concept introduced by psychologist Marsha Linehan based on Buddhist concepts of acceptance and mindfulness. The idea is to accept life as it is, not as we wish it would be. Not surprisingly, this takes a lot of practice. It is important to note that acceptance does not equate to approval. Many occurrences in life are unfair, and it would be a bridge too far to expect that we or our children somehow embrace these injustices. Still, adequate coping and effective responses do require us to see the situation as it truly is instead of fighting or distorting that reality.

Cut Yourself Some Slack. Self-compassion is one of the best ways to build distress tolerance. Studies have found a link between lowered self-compassion and higher levels of inflammation, a physiological marker of stress. Since chronic inflammation may contribute to a host of illnesses, ranging from hay fever and gum disease to cancer and Alzheimer’s, being kind to yourself is well worth the effort. To do this, it is important to catch self-critical thoughts and to challenge them.

Obviously, negative outcomes will still occur despite our best efforts. However, armed with these strategies, we are better able to bounce back from them and move forward.