Which Is Harder, Parenting Toddlers or Teenagers?

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Many parents who are struggling through the toddler years are warned by parents of older children “You think this is hard?! Just wait until they are teenagers.” As a parent of toddlers myself, I have always found these warnings demoralizing and, honestly, terrifying. So I couldn’t help but wonder, does the research actually back this up? Which is actually more stressful—parenting a toddler or parenting a teenager?

First, research consistently finds no significant differences in stress levels between parents of toddlers and parents of teenagers. However, “role overload” (aka, feeling overwhelmed by everything you have to do as a parent) is higher in parents of toddlers than parents of teenagers. Not surprisingly, parenting babies and toddlers is also associated with greater time demands on parents, increased marital/partner conflict, difficulty with work-family balance, and less personal time. Research finds that the quality of the marital/partner relationship declines from infancy and then improves when the child starts elementary school.

Yet, at the same time, parents with children under five show increased satisfaction with the relationship with their children, higher self-esteem, greater confidence as a parent, and fewer symptoms of depression than parents of teenage children or school-age children. Parents of toddlers also show greater happiness when interacting with their toddler-age children than parents of teenagers.

Parenting a teenager is also hard in its own way. Research finds that, while young children have more demands and needs, their needs are usually met in the same way. On the other hand, teenagers require that their parents meet their needs in different, more individualized ways. In other words, younger children may need you more often but their needs may be easier to meet.

In summary, parenting toddlers and parenting teenagers are both stressful in their own ways. Interestingly, parenting young children seems to be the “best of times” and the “worst of times.” That is, it may be the most rewarding but also the most overwhelming and demanding stage of parenting.

You might be thinking “Okay, so you’re telling me that parenting toddlers and parenting teenagers are both extremely stressful…but I can’t change my child’s age so what should I do now?”

With either toddlers or teenagers, try to focus your attention on the positive aspects of the developmental phase they are in. With toddlers, you may try to focus on how much they love you or appreciate their adorable little faces. With teenagers, you may try to focus on their independence in most daily tasks or that you can leave the house without getting a babysitter.

Whether this strategy works or not, please never tell another parent that you are in a more difficult stage of parenting, as these types of warnings will likely only make you both feel worse! On the other hand, by talking about the positive aspects of the parenting stage you are in, you are both likely to feel better after the conversation.