Dissociative Identities: Taking a Stance on Stigma

Being lovingly, authentically oneself is such a conundrum for someone like myself who lives with dissociative identities.

Loving all parts of me requires me to accept that I am a multifaceted and multilayered human. Well, isn’t everyone multifaceted and multilayered? Yes, I am the same as you but also unique.

So, what makes me different from people who do not live with dissociative identities? I have pondered how to answer this question for some time now. There is no direct answer other than to say, with certainty, that after years of healing, I see having dissociative identities as a gift: My many parts helped me survive unimaginable trauma that I would not have otherwise survived without them.

However, prior to achieving what is called system cooperation or internal system trust with all parts of me, life was hard. Quite honestly, it was excruciatingly painful on a multitude of levels. It was particularly hard when it came to emotional intimacy and attachment within my relationships.

Living with dissociative identities

Developing a personal relationship with me requires trust from all parts of me. That does not happen readily, nor should it. In all my years holding space in many different capacities in mental health, I have observed people demonstrating all-or-nothing thinking with trust. Yet, I have a great deal of respect for viewing trust with a lot of gray.

To be cautious, skeptical, and uncertain means you are assessing the situation for safety and flat-out survival. "Will this person hurt me?" is often the ruminating thought that can play on repeat for dissociative survivors. Unfortunately, I am sad to say even my own field has caused a great deal of emotional pain to myself and some other survivors within the dissociative community.

When the very people who brought you into the world disrupted a sense of love, attachment, and emotional and physical safety, how might you expect one to respond to people attempting to get close to you? Then ask yourself how you might respond when you try to get help from mental health practitioners and are dismissed because your history is too complex and overwhelming for some therapists themselves, who oftentimes won’t readily admit their discomfort in working with those of us with dissociative identities?

When these things happen to survivors like me, it can cause people to lose hope. They might start to wonder if they will ever get the help they need and can start internalizing the messages received through the historic myths and misconceptions about DID. Survivors begin to think, "I must be crazy, bad, and unlovable." I felt this way for years of my life, years I will never get back and though I am in a completely different place now this type of internalized messaging nearly took my life. And sad to say survivors are still experiencing this type of stigma today.

Survivors often question people’s motives. They plan and prepare for every possible worst-case scenario. Sleep is often disrupted, and in some cases, as was true for me, it can lead to decompensation, hospitalization, and a questioning of self-worth as a human. In the darkness of former despair, I questioned if my mere existence on this planet even mattered. Other survivors are experiencing that same question themselves today. To me, as a practitioner and as a human being, that is heartbreaking.

As a recovering child sex trafficking survivor and person living with DID, I have come to realize the profound impact that such extreme and grotesque abuse can have on one’s life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, personally, financially, relationally, and professionally.

What people with dissociative identities need

Relationships Essential Reads

Love, Responsibility, and Empowerment in Relationships

The Right Place at the Right Time

The field is missing it. The field is failing to recognize that people with dissociative identities need love, patience, support, belonging, coordination of care, commitment, competent therapists, proper training, and most importantly understanding and hope.

The fundamentals of Carl Rogers's client-centered therapy should be the foundation for collaborating with any dissociative survivor; specifically his humanistic fundamentals of therapeutic congruence between client and therapist, unconditional positive regard, and empathy.

I am disappointed in many aspects of my own field. I am disappointed in how labeling a response to trauma as a "disorder" has become sensationalized and inaccurately portrayed by the media. I am deeply saddened by the number of lives it has taken by suicide and how it has robbed people of joy, happiness, relief, and hope and it will continue to take more lives and people's emotional freedom if we do not take a collective stance on standing up to stigma.

Love, kindness, support, and proper help, which would include proper training and education, could afford my fellow survivors a chance to create an opportunity to overcome the extremely painful and brutally traumatic pasts that led to the fragmentation of the brain into parts/identities in the first place.

We need to pay more attention to what led to the development of its symptoms and to the development of the parts in the first place, not turn them away based on what you heard from a uniformed colleague, read in a textbook, or viewed in an inaccurately portrayed film.

I am a compassionate human being who loves deeply and with my whole heart and I want other people to know they too can create a better life for themselves, but I cannot take on this global mental health initiative alone.

I invite you to consider getting yourselves educated and to remain curious about how you can help and learn about people like me so that no one has to suffer in silence alone. Suffering in silence alone comes with a high cost and often results in the loss of lives to suicide, homelessness, and health concerns. I’m speaking from a place of lived and professional experience, having worked in and around the mental health system for nearly 18 years and engaging in mental health treatment myself.

My fellow survivors need and deserve better. So please open your heart, sprinkle in the love, read a book, take a course, consult, and do not be afraid to ask for help for yourself or on behalf of someone you love.

Thank you for listening and for your consideration in learning about DID as I begin to spread global awareness, hope, inspiration, and love regarding dissociative identities.

The information shared in this blog is not a substitute for therapy or any other form of professional mental health or medical care. It also does not constitute a doctor/patient relationship with Dr. Fletcher. The information provided is for educational and informational purposes only. If you are experiencing a crisis or need help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.