Shared and Structured Parenting Can Improve Well-Being

A recent study examined how different parenting practices may be associated with parents’ and children’s mental health. This study included 1,027 parents (85 percent mothers) who completed surveys about their parenting and their children (ages 2 to 18 years).

The researchers found that two parenting practices were linked to improved mental health:

1. Shared parenting (translation: dividing parenting and caregiving tasks in a way that seems fair and equitable to both partners )

2. Structured parenting (translation: having predictable routines, consistent limit-setting, and supports in place that fit the children’s developmental levels)

Specifically, the researchers found that shared parenting was linked to fewer symptoms of parent depression for children of all ages. Shared parenting was also linked to fewer behavioral and emotional problems in children 2 to 5 years (but not older children). Shared parenting was also associated with less irritability in 13- to 18-year-olds. Structured parenting was linked to fewer child behavior problems in 2- to 5-year-olds.

Limitations

This study had several important limitations. First, it was a correlational study, meaning that we don’t know whether shared parenting and structured parenting cause these positive outcomes or are simply associated with them. Second, it only included two-parent homes, so it is unclear how it would apply to single-parent homes or other family dynamics. Finally, all measures were self-reported by parents and, of course, may be biased.

Translation

Shared parenting was linked with positive mental health for children and parents and improved behavior for young children. Structured parenting was linked to improved behavior for young children. Here is how you can use these parenting practices in your own life:

1. Change your perspective on co-parenting.

Shared parenting is not simply one parent “helping” the primary parent when necessary but both parents being equally invested in parenting and making decisions related to parenting together. If one of you tends to function as the “default” parent, discuss with your partner how you can change this dynamic and equally split the mental and physical load of parenting.

2. Let go of some control in parenting or take full ownership of parenting tasks.

If you are the “default parent,” you may have to let go of some control and accept that your partner does not always tackle parenting tasks in the same that you would in order to truly share parenting duties. Try not to criticize or micro-manage your partner’s parenting in any way. If you are not the “default” parent, try to take full ownership over parenting tasks and do not ask your partner for help or guidance.

3. Have a regular weekly meeting with your partner.

Put a weekly meeting on your calendar in which you and your partner discuss how you will share upcoming parenting tasks, make decisions related to parenting together, and plan family vacations and events.

4. Be as consistent as possible.

One of the most important aspects of shared parenting and structured parenting is consistency, so try to be as consistent as possible in the rules that you and your partner create and the discipline you use, but also in your positive parenting strategies (such as defining your family values and how you will encourage these values in your children).

5. Create and stick to routines.

Routines are essential for both shared parenting and structured parenting. For example, maybe you switch off who cleans the kitchen and who starts bedtime after dinner so your kids know what to expect, and you avoid fighting with your partner over who does what. You can also create a weekend routine that gives each partner a break and helps children know when they can expect quality time with each parent.