Why Do Men Send Unsolicited Photos of Their Genitalia?

It is, unfortunately, not an uncommon experience. Someone opens up a message only to find a picture of the sender's genitals (known as a d*ck pic). There are many reactions that can arise from this experience. These unsolicited pictures are often not harmless; they can be intrusive and triggering, especially for those who have experienced trauma in the past. Some may ignore the image and block the sender. Some may laugh. Sending and receiving a d*ck pic is a nonconsensual interaction. So, why exactly would some men choose to send pictures of their genitals without request or consent? I have asked men, who claimed to have sent d*ck pics over the years, their reasons for the unwanted sharing. Several reasons for this form of harassment include:

1. Some men see it as a form of flirtation. I guess the days of a wink from across a crowded room are over. Some men believe the d*ck pic has become a form of communication.
2. Along the lines of communication, according to Paasonen, Light, and Jarrett (2019), the d*ck pic can be an invitation for sexual intimacy.
3. Exhibitionism. Exhibitionists derive arousal from exposing themselves to others. Just the thought of exposing themselves to another can be a strong desire.
4. Along with finding arousal in exposure, some men claim that they do it for the reason of having pride in their endowment and wanting to share it with others.
5. Insecurity can also play a part in sending a d*ck pic. It’s an attempt to get approval, made easier if they don’t show their face. Such partial anonymity can reduce the fear of rejection for some men.
6. Online trolls may do it as part of their attempt to upset others. Whether it’s attention seeking, misdirected anger, self-displeasure, a false sense of self-importance, or gaining excitement from bringing misery to others, trolls will use all tools at their disposal to create a toxic environment.
7. It’s an act of aggression. This certainly is the case in gender-based harassment. In this instance, the d*ck pic stands along with revenge porn and gendered hate speech (Paasonen, Light, and Jarrett, 2019).
8. They have the idea that “If I show you mine, you will show me yours.” Even if this tactic only works one in a thousand times, it encourages them to continue. Even rare success is still success for them.
9. For some men, it’s the thrill of risk-taking behavior that they find in sending a d*ck pic to an unsuspecting person. There are many reasons, biological, psychological, and social, that one engages in risk-taking behavior (a topic for a future post), and sending d*ck pics plays into all of them.
10. There can be an interest/desire in being objectified.
11. Some men find it humorous. While they believe it is funny, they are severely misreading the room. Mandau (2020) notes that “…humor can undermine women’s experiences of the d*ck pic as harmful and trivialize these experiences while normalizing men’s intrusive behavior” (p. 88).
12. It’s a manifestation of the environment in which they were socialized. This plays into the sexual double standard. If a man was socialized to see this as an acceptable behavior — something that men do — they are more likely to engage in the behavior. It can act as a reward for some men for expressing their sexuality in a hegemonic masculine environment (Mandau, 2020).
13. Ignorance. This works two ways: First, it’s a misunderstanding of the reactions of women and what arouses them. Even if a woman enjoys d*ck pics and collects them, this does not mean that she wants to receive them in an unsolicited manner (Paasonen, Light, and Jarrett, 2019). This becomes a consent issue. Second, they do not understand the harm that their actions can cause. As previously noted, this behavior can trigger those who have suffered past trauma or it can elicit new trauma. It is sexual harassment and this can create a hostile environment online and off.
14. Finally, I’ve been doing work that involves the analysis of female celebrity fan mail. The correspondence that has been provided to me not-so-uncommonly includes d*ck pics. This is most often the case when the celebrity has appeared nude in a film. It’s no longer a case of “If I show you mine, you will show me yours.” This becomes “Since you showed me yours, I’ll show you mine.” It’s an attempt to make a deeper connection with the celebrity.

Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

D*ck pics are not going to stop anytime soon. So, what should you do if you are the unfortunate receiver of an unsolicited photo? You can let them know that the picture is unwanted. Tell them how you feel before reporting and blocking them. You do not have to accept their excuses. Alternatively, you can ignore them and block the person immediately. In a workplace environment, this behavior needs to be immediately reported — and, yes, they’ve provided you with proof. If the behavior is triggering for you, see someone about it. Your well-being is essential. And remember, this is about them — you did not ask for this and did nothing to deserve this.