The Many Shades of Asexuality

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Asexuality, which simply means experiencing little to no feelings of sexual attraction to others, isn’t actually all that simple. In fact, within the asexual or “ace” community, there is a full spectrum of ways that people identify other than just asexual. But unlike other sexual orientations, asexuality in its many forms has not been well studied or understood, even by those who specialize in human sexuality. That appears to be changing. In one 2023 review of the current literature on asexuality, the researchers concluded that not only should asexuality in its many forms be better identified and recognized but also supported as another sexual identity or orientation, rather than viewed as an aberration or disorder in those for whom asexuality comes naturally.

The researchers looked at 28 studies related to the development, relationships, and other aspects of identity in asexual individuals. Ultimately, they recognized a need for more awareness and understanding of those on the ace spectrum whose experiences of sexuality may fall into asexual or aromantic (sometimes referred to as “aro”) categories but also graysexual, demisexual, quoisexual, or a good number of other sexual variants.

A graysexual individual rarely or only occasionally experiences sexual or romantic attraction to another, and, when they do, it is often a weak attraction. Demisexual individuals experience sexual attraction only after forming a deep emotional and/or romantic bond with another person. Quoisexual or quoiromantic individuals are confused or unsure about the difference between a platonic and sexual or romantic relationship. Others on this spectrum include those who are cupioromantic or cupiosexual, meaning a person who wants a romantic or sexual relationship but doesn’t experience romantic or sexual attraction. Someone who is apothisexual is not only asexual but also is repulsed by the idea of a sexual experience. And that’s not the end of the list. For instance, some people fluctuate between periods of feeling romantic and/or sexual attraction and not feeling it.

Why all these labels? Just as there is more than one way to be heterosexual or homosexual, there is more than one way to be asexual. And like other forms of sexuality, asexuality is as old as history. But language has had to grow to include specific terms for new ideas to form and be understood and for self-identities to be recognized, and to allow for clear communication so that people can learn more from each other about different human experiences and perspectives. Sexual and gender labels help with all of these processes.

According to the Asexual Visibility & Education Network, approximately 1 percent of the population is asexual, and most have been asexual all their lives, even if they themselves were not always aware of it. They stress that asexuality is not the same as a low sex drive, which can be treated, or celibacy, which is a choice. The majority of those who are asexual rarely become sexual or have the desire to explore their sexuality, though there are exceptions. However, many asexual people form fulfilling relationships based not on sex but on other forms of attraction, including romantic and sensual attraction, that are rewarding without being full-out sexual.

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