Resilience Beyond the Field

Emmanuel Acho was living his dream in 2012 by playing in the NFL. His path to the NFL wasn’t easy, but his determination got him a spot on the Philadelphia Eagles. Then, in 2015, a severe thumb injury signaled the end of his playing days. This loss sent Acho into an existential crisis, as football had been his entire life, and now he had to confront the reality that he would never play again.

Similarly, the Seattle Seahawks have faced their own challenges, with numerous player injuries impacting their 2023 season. Among these, Andrew Whitaker’s patellar tendon injury was particularly impactful, ending his season and posing a threat to his career.

Disappointments in pursuing dreams and goals come to everyone, but when it comes to careers, men can find changes and challenges particularly devastating. Even positive endings, such as retirement, have been known to send men into a depression. This is because when men experience a loss in their work or career, they often experience a significant loss of identity.

Men are told early in life that they are the breadwinners responsible for providing for their families. They develop a deep desire to be needed, and their sense of worth becomes closely tied to their ability to excel in the workplace. They even give disproportionate weight to the value of accomplishment and, in time, align a sense of value with their roles and productivity.

This message is reinforced constantly. Even in unassuming situations like meeting someone new, the inevitable question arises: “So, what do you do?” The undertone of that question is subtle but persistent—who are you? Therefore, a job loss or career setback isn’t just about the change but can be felt as a loss of one’s inner self and external identity.

Men must acknowledge that career setbacks are losses that require grieving.

Unfortunately, men often lack the tools to cope with these emotions. Society encourages them to “suck it up” and avoid displaying vulnerability. Without productive coping mechanisms, many men turn to drugs, alcohol, or other addictions to numb the pain.

But for those experiencing grief, the only way out is through. Rather than searching for an escape from the pain, it needs to be faced and experienced. This involves allowing the emotion to be felt and giving voice to it, which may include writing thoughts down in private or sharing the experience with a trusted friend or a therapist. In time, they will find that while something significant has been lost, the most important parts of themselves are still there.

While grieving, men should also explore a broader sense of self beyond their professional roles.

They must honor their previous work but recognize that their worth is not solely tied to their job. They are husbands, fathers, friends, neighbors, and sons with the potential to positively impact their lives and those around them.

Finally, men should approach the future with an open mind, as life offers multiple chapters. Rarely are individuals defined by just one role. Embracing new possibilities can lead to the discovery of something significant and meaningful.

This was certainly the case for Acho. After coming to terms with the loss of his football career, he went on to become a sports analyst, a New York Times bestselling writer, and the creator of the anti-racist podcast “Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man.” His podcast has engaged thousands of people in the crucial conversation about race in America, making an impact that Acho likely never anticipated. In his subsequent book of the same title, Acho gives a valuable perspective to those dealing with the pain of setbacks and disappointment: “Getting uncomfortable is the whole idea. Everything great is birthed through discomfort.”