How Important Is Equal Power in a Relationship?

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Who has more power in your romantic relationship, you or your partner? Does one of you seem to have more of a say than the other? Or is your relationship egalitarian, with each of you getting your way some of the time, or having more influence over some matters than others? When asked, most people say that the ideal situation is when both partners have equal say. New research by Robert Körner and Astrid Schütz just published in Social Psychological and Personality Science asks how much equal power matters in romantic relationships.

Numerous studies have shown that people are happier if they believe they have control over important outcomes in their lives. It follows that a sense of power in one's romantic relationship is also important when it comes to having a happy relationship. In relationships, what matters most is felt power—that is, a person's belief that they have a say in their relationship. It doesn't matter as much whether the person actually has control, only that they feel in control.

Couples therapists are often encouraged to help clients achieve a power balance within their relationship. Some studies appear to show that couples with power imbalances experience less satisfying relationships. However, the way the data were analyzed in those studies left open the possibility that the results were due to each partner's overall level of power, not differences in power between partners. What matters more—feeling powerful in general or not feeling less powerful than your partner?

In four studies, surveying nearly 1,000 couples, Körner and Schütz asked both partners to rate their relationship satisfaction or sexual satisfaction as well as their personal sense of power in the relationship. Questions assessing power asked respondents to rate their agreement with statements such as, "In the relationship with my partner, I can get him or her to listen to what I say," and "If I want to, I get to make the decisions."

Across all four studies, personal power was related to greater satisfaction. The more that people felt they had a say in their relationship, the happier they were. In addition, not only did one's own feeling of power contribute to satisfaction, but so did one's partner's power. That is, people whose partners felt powerful tend to be more satisfied.

However, there was no evidence that both partners having similar levels of power to one another related to satisfaction. Whether both members of the couple had equal power or there was a mismatch in power was unrelated to how satisfied the couple was with their relationship.

Both partners having a sense of power is what matters, and if your partner feels more powerful than you do, that is unlikely to affect your level of satisfaction with the relationship.

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