Parental Abduction of Children During or After Divorce

Eight-year-old Aranza Maria Ochoa Lopez from Vancouver, Washington, was kidnapped in October 2018. The little girl was at a Vancouver shopping mall when she was kidnapped by her biological mother on October 25, 2018. It took five years and efforts by the FBI and other organizations to find her in Mexico and bring her safely home.

Parental abduction, such as Aranza’s, is a parent’s nightmare, and even more so during or after an adversarial divorce. In this post, I’ll describe what parental abduction is, how common it is, the effect on children, red flags and warning signs, how to prevent it, and steps to take if you suspect this has happened.

Parental Abduction

Simply put, parental abduction is the criminal act of one parent taking a child without the other parent’s permission or knowledge.

Parental kidnapping of children is nothing new. Two of the surviving children of the wreck of the Titanic were kidnapped by their father.

According to the Department of Justice, some 200,000 children were taken by a family member (usually a parent) in 2002. Some of these children disappeared in the United States, and some were taken abroad.

The Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act requires states to cooperate in returning kidnapped children to the parents who hold legal custody. The parent who takes the child will likely face criminal charges. Although kidnapping children is illegal in most countries, when children are taken out of the United States, our laws and court orders are not necessarily recognized or enforceable.

Parental abduction can occur before, during, or after a divorce, and the risk is heightened if the divorce is high-conflict.

More Common Than People Realize

Exact data are hard to find. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, approximately 800,000 children are reported missing each year. At least 200,000 of these reports are linked to a parent or family abduction. The majority of abducted children were taken by somebody they knew. Less than a quarter of all child abduction cases are perpetrated by strangers.

According to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, 230,600* children are kidnapped by a family member each year. Federal data indicate that almost 2,000 family abductions occurred for every stranger abduction. Parental abductions are often very well-planned and organized, often with the help of other family members.

The Impact on Children

Some parents may claim that abducting their children and disappearing is for the child’s benefit. Others may do this to punish the other parent. They may even have a sincere wish to be with their children. However they may justify it, this is kidnapping and a crime.

However, parental abduction is always traumatic for children, causing anxiety, feelings of abandonment, confusion, helplessness, loneliness, and grief. They are essentially hostages of an often very troubled parent. The damage can be life-long, and the victim may experience depression, anxiety, or posttraumatic stress disorder.

Children who are found and returned may suffer loyalty conflicts, guilt, emotional detachment, and feelings of betrayal by providing information to authorities about the abducting parent. The disruptions in previously safe attachment relationships cause a deep sense of vulnerability and threat. An inability to trust adults, in general, can hinder the child's ability to form lasting relationships even long into adulthood.

Preventing Family Abductions

The best way to prevent parental abduction is to end the conflict with your ex. Anger, frustration, and desperation are the leading causes of family abduction. Open communication, clear boundaries, and written co-parenting agreements are essential. If this is difficult, work with a professional therapist or mediator to develop agreements that meet the needs of the parents and the children.

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• Respect the other parent’s custody and rights. Keep your agreements to rebuild trust.
• Try to keep amicable relations with your ex’s family because you’ll need their support to bring your children home.
• Commit to working on your stress, anger, and frustration in therapy. Remind yourself that you and your ex both love your children, and it’s healthiest when you allow them to love both of you.
• If your ex threatens to take your children, document the threat and report it to family court or your lawyer.
• Make sure that your children’s school has copies of the custody orders.

If you are able to keep your divorce nonadversarial, you will reduce the risk of parental abduction. If you and your partner or ex can commit to working in a respectful way to resolve your custody issues, through mediation or collaborative divorce, you may be able to save your children a lifetime of mental health issues.

Warning Signs and Red Flags

• If your ex has threatened or implied that they might take the children.
• If there is a history of violence toward a parent or the children.
• If a parent is disenfranchised, is not part of the community, has no family or friends in the area, and has no permanent housing, or no job, making them more likely to move elsewhere and take the children with them.
• If a parent has strong ties to a foreign country.
• If a parent refuses to follow court orders.

If you are concerned about your ex abducting your children, you should seek legal advice and take steps to develop a safety plan. This may include a restraining order or working with law enforcement to enforce your custody order.

What to Do if It Happens: Act Quickly

If your spouse takes your children outside of the area that your custody agreement covers without your permission, contact your local police or sheriff right away and file a report. Also, call the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 800-843-5678.

© Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. 2023