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Over the last few decades, empathy has become a buzzword. Magazines, charities, celebrities and politicians have promoted empathy as an unmitigated asset. There are currently more than 2,000 books on Amazon with the word “empathy’ in the title and social media provides a seemingly endless stream of aesthetically pleasing images promoting empathy as a "beautiful quality” and a "superpower." Public expectations for empathy have been so great that it has led to choreographed displays by world leaders—think of Bill Clinton saying “I feel your pain” through a strategically gnawed lip. There is also public outrage when empathy appears to be missing—think, “I really don’t care, do you” emblazoned on the back of Melania Trump’s jacket.
However, in some ways, things may be changing. In a COVID-era society, it is not unusual to hear people dismiss human suffering as an inevitable part of life. We are advised to take a break from the news and watch “The top 10 movies to distract yourself from COVID-19.” For healthcare and frontline workers who are unable to hide from the suffering, stoically continuing has become a heroic act greeted by frequent applause.
Who has time for empathy in a pandemic? Empathy has begun to look like a privilege afforded only to those unaffected by suffering. As death has encroached into more and more households, people have been encouraged not to dwell on it and to soldier on without fear.
In the face of such suffering, we may not need more empathy, or indeed less empathy—but rather a different kind of empathy.
Types of Empathy
Empathy is a multidimensional construct. It can involve both feelings for others and understanding the suffering of others without feeling that pain yourself. It is possible for each individual to choose to empathize more constructively. Although sometimes empathy washes over us unbidden and unavoidable (called emotional empathy) we can also empathize deliberately. We can choose to consciously take the perspective of other people in order to understand their viewpoints. This is called cognitive empathy.
Avoiding Emotional Burnout
In this global pandemic, suffering is brought into our homes nightly on our TV screens and through video-calls from family members in medical isolation.
The global population is stressed out and our emotional empathy systems are becoming overwhelmed. This type of empathy is unsustainable. What’s more, repeated exposure to evocative imagery is likely to cause us to turn away rather than help. Emotional empathy may lead to compassion fatigue and burnout.
There is a better way. Cognitive empathy prompts helping without the emotional toll associated with intuitive empathy. When we imagine what it is like to be someone else, we can share their experience without allowing it to dictate our emotions. This is not easy. Cognitive empathy can be draining because it requires a lot of mental effort. So much effort in fact that research suggests that people often actively avoid perspective-taking if given the choice.
But this effort is worth it. There is evidence that our own stress can be reduced by deliberately focusing on the needs of others. Indeed, physicians have long advocated cognitive empathy in order to limit their exposure to distressing emotions.
Rather like developing healthy eating habits to avoid junk food, by creating healthy empathy habits you may be less likely to fall into an emotional binge late at night while watching TV.
- Take time to imagine how others are feeling in a conscious and deliberate manner. Devote a few minutes during a regular meditation or prayer session to think of others.
- Process emotional content when you’re at your best. Avoid emotional content when you’re tired or stressed. If a friend calls you to vent at a bad time, it’s okay to tell them, “I want to support you fully, but I don’t have the emotional bandwidth right now. Can we reschedule for later?”
- Engage with distressing information in a format that allows you to think it through. Consider reading the news rather than watching it on TV. Pause and think about what you’ve heard.
When we sit and make a conscious effort to imagine what it is like to be someone else, we take control of our empathic response. If COVID-19 is an empathy marathon, let’s ensure we can finish the race.
