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Key points
- Post-sex affection involves spooning, cuddling, or engaging in intimate talk following sex.
- Expressions of post-sex affection are linked to greater sexual and relationship satisfaction.
- The period immediately following partnered sex may be an optimal time to deepen intimate bonds.
What do you do after sex? Some people like to spoon or cuddle, while others might go to sleep, check their phones, or get up to grab something to eat or drink. Does what you do actually matter? Research suggests that it does, at least when sex occurs between romantic partners.
In fact, the more that couples cuddle or otherwise express affection or intimacy after sex, the happier they tend to be. Results from a set of studies published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior support this idea.
What Is Post-Sex Affection?
"Post-sex affection" refers to a constellation of affectionate expressions occurring after partnered sex that are either physical or verbal. For example, this could include things like spooning, cuddling, or caressing one another. It could also include engaging in intimate talk or conversation (e.g., saying "I love you" or otherwise verbalizing affection).
In the first study, which involved a cross-sectional survey of 335 adults in relationships, participants were asked about the amount of time they usually spend on post-sex affection. In addition, participants were asked about the length of time they usually spend on both foreplay and sex, how much non-sexual affection they express with their partner, and how satisfied they currently are with their sex lives and relationships.
The second study collected similar information, but through a longitudinal design. Specifically, participants reported on their sexual and intimate behaviors daily for three weeks, and then the researchers checked in with them three months later to gauge their subsequent sexual and relationship satisfaction.
Post-Sex Affection Boosts Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction
In the first study, it turned out that the more time people spent on post-sex affection (regardless of what form it took), the more satisfied they were with their sex lives. This was true for women and men alike. In addition, post-sex affection was linked to greater relationship satisfaction for women, but not men in this case.
These findings held even when accounting for the general level of affection expressed in the relationship. This tells us that the people who spooned more weren’t necessarily just more affectionate in general. The effects also held when controlling for time spent on foreplay and sex, meaning that people who spend more time spooning don’t just spend more time on everything else, too.
In the second study, researchers found that on days couples spent more time on post-sex affection than they usually do, they reported greater sexual satisfaction and, in turn, greater relationship satisfaction. The more total time couples spent on post-sex affection during those three months, the happier they were, both sexually and in terms of their relationship.
Unlike the first study, the results here did not depend on gender, meaning that post-sex affection appeared to be beneficial for women and men alike. It's not entirely clear why a gender difference emerged in the first study and not the second, but the fact that the most consistent associations emerged for women points to the possibility that post-sex affection may be even more important for women's satisfaction than it is for men's.
After Sex Is an Optimal Time to Promote Intimate Bonds
What these studies suggest is that the more time couples spend spooning, cuddling, or otherwise being intimate after sex, the happier they are. Of course, some might argue for reverse causality here, meaning that perhaps being in a happy relationship causes couples to engage in more post-sex affection. However, it's important to note that when the researchers tested various alternative models, they found weak support for reverse causality.
All in all, these findings point to the period immediately following sex as a critical time for deepening the bond with a partner. For couples looking to sustain strong sexual and intimate connections, focusing on post-sex expressions of affection just might give them a boost.
Facebook image: Jacob Lund/Shutterstock
References
Muise, A., Giang, E., & Impett, E. A. (2014). Post sex affectionate exchanges promote sexual and relationship satisfaction. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(7), 1391-1402.
