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Relationships
3 Pieces of Advice for Those Struggling With Emophilia
Love can be blinding. Here's how to avoid falling too hard and too fast.
Updated March 13, 2024 Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Key points
- Emophilia, also known as emotional promiscuity, is defined as the tendency to fall in love quickly and often.
- Emophilia can make people be attracted to partners with Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism.
- By tracking relationship patterns, you can gain insight into your decision-making and areas for growth.
Do you quickly fall in love? Have you ever met someone for the first time and thought, "This person could be my soulmate" or "I might be in love with this person?”
If you have noticed a pattern in your relationships where you dive head first in love easily but it never seems to work out in the end—you may be showing signs of emophilia.
Emophilia, also known as emotional promiscuity, is defined as the tendency to fall in love quickly and often. Those with emophilia develop an unflinchingly certain and all-encompassing passion for a romantic interest over a short period. It is not a fleeting feeling that is likely to disappear but a strong desire with a hyperfixation on love.
Emophilia Can Push You Into Unhealthy Relationships
People high in emophilia don’t have a need for a relationship but rather an ever-present want. They desire the rush and excitement of falling in love, which activates their reward and reinforcement system. This makes people impulsive and hasty, leaving them vulnerable to toxic relationships.
A 2021 study published in the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences found that emophilia can make people prone to being attracted to partners with dark personality traits of Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism.
The rapid emotional attachment often causes individuals to overlook potential red flags, lacking a screening mechanism to identify them early on. When they begin recognizing these warning signs, it may feel too late to exit the relationship, especially if they have already formed a deep emotional bond with their partner.
This can create a pattern where these individuals may feel like they “attract” all the wrong people in their lives when it’s quite the contrary. People high in emophilia are also predicted to be more likely to get caught up in infidelity, falling for multiple partners at the same time, and indulging in unsafe sexual practices.
The rush of falling in love is a thrilling and exciting experience. It can make you feel sublime, but going out of your way to “seek” the feeling can create unhealthy attachment habits and may lead to harmful emotional consequences.
This brings us to three ways to rein in your desires when falling for a new person.
1. Create a Green Flag and Red Flag Checklist
People high in emophilia create a cycle of fleeting romances and emotional turmoil, struggling to establish stable and lasting relationships. Setting relationship criteria beforehand and refraining from rushing into commitments is a sure-shot way to reclaim control over your emotions.
Take time to introspect your values, nonnegotiables, desires, and deal-breakers in a relationship. Filtering out prospects by balancing your head and heart is crucial to healthy romantic exploration.
Create a green-flag checklist to clarify what you seek in a partner and what you are willing to compromise on. For example, values such as charm, quirkiness, chivalry, and intelligence can be something you desire. At the same time, trust, respect, loyalty, and independence can be your non-negotiables.
Alternatively, craft a red-flag checklist, where no compromises are made regardless of your partner's redeeming qualities. It may include immaturity, impatience, slander, excessive possessiveness, and self-sabotage. Acknowledge that no relationship or person is flawless, and building a meaningful and enduring connection requires significant effort, time, and patience.
2. Don’t Ignore Your Loved Ones’ Warnings
Love and emophilia push us to focus only on one person while ignoring everyone else, including ourselves. It is wise when on this emotional roller coaster to heed the warnings of your loved ones. While your feelings may get clouded, your friends and family are more likely to notice warning signs you may have missed in a romantic prospect. Ignoring their advice may lead to alienation and regret in the future.
While the advice others provide may not always be helpful, it can certainly offer a new perspective and assist you in evaluating your situation objectively. By examining their suggestions, based on factual information, you can avoid relying solely on your emotions. This process can help you make an informed decision and ensure you are moving in the right direction.
3. Take a Pragmatic Approach to Romantic Relationships
When experiencing emophilia, one gets sucked into a maelstrom of intense feelings that can cloud their judgment in the short term. Develop a pragmatic approach to your romantic life by journaling about romantic encounters and feelings, grounding them in reality.
Pay attention to how your feelings regarding relationships change over time. This can help you determine if you're falling into old patterns or if your feelings are genuine. Be careful not to idealize your partners excessively and maintain a realistic view of the relationship. Step back and assess whether your feelings are consistent to help you distinguish between a real connection and a passing infatuation.
By tracking relationship patterns, you can gain insight into your decision-making and learn about your areas for growth. This self-awareness will empower you to make sustainable choices aligned with your long-term goals and values while fostering healthier and fulfilling relationships.
A version of this post also appears on Forbes.
