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Key points
- While thoughts are not reality, they do produce an automatic response in our bodies.
- Replacing automatic negative thoughts with more positive or neutral ones can help us regain focus and control at work.
- Noticing and identifying common thought distortions is the first step to rewriting our internal narratives.
You just gave a presentation at work, something you’ve worked pretty hard on over the past few weeks. Your boss approaches you after the meeting and says, “I enjoyed your presentation! But, your slides could have been more engaging.”
Suddenly, a spiral of thoughts floods your mind: I should have constructed the slides differently, so the presentation must actually have been bad. The positive feedback I received was just coming from kindness…they didn’t really think the presentation was that good. Is this happening all the time at work? Does anyone think I’m doing a good job? Maybe no one approves of me or my work…
If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. All of us suffer from the effects of a negative thought spiral every once in a while. But when it becomes a cognitive habit, we can really sabotage ourselves and our genuinely great efforts.
It’s important to remember that thoughts are just that—thoughts. They do not necessarily reflect the truth, or the beliefs and opinions of others. The problem is that whenever we do have a negative thought, our body responds. If you think, “Wow, I really am a loser,” you will have an immediate physiological response. When habitual thoughts are not in our best interest, it contributes to our physiology spiraling out of control along with our self-talk.
Be on the lookout for distorted perception
Research has shown that when we feel pressure, our self-talk tends to become inaccurate. Pressure leads us to interpret ambiguous stimuli negatively. For example, imagine you have sent an email to your boss outlining a new project you would like to complete. Your boss doesn’t respond all day. The situation itself is ambiguous, there is no proof or evidence that your boss isn’t responding because of something you have done.
However, pressure will likely bias you to interpret the situation negatively: “My boss must not like the idea and is looking for a way to let me down easy.” Complicating the situation, studies show our brains are biased toward negativity, whether under pressure or not. We respond more strongly to negative stimuli than to positive stimuli. Think about it: do you tend to put more weight on the “bad” things that happen throughout your day, or the good ones?
All this negative thinking has two consequences:
- The negative focus diverts attention and energy from dealing with the task at hand, reducing our efficiency and productivity.
- For every negative thought, there is a negative physiological reaction; this reaction culminates in a non-adaptive stress response.
The first step toward a more balanced perspective is to begin questioning self-statements and beliefs, especially when we know we are already under duress. If we can make an accurate assessment and divide what needs to be addressed from what is a misperception, then an adaptive response will follow. We can choose our viewpoint and respond in an optimal way to stress.
The most common thought distortions are:
- All-or-nothing or black-and-white thinking
- Overgeneralization—applying the results of one situation to all similar situations
- Mental filter—highlighting and dwelling on one negative detail in an otherwise good experience
- Jumping to conclusions or catatrophizing—concluding the worst when the worst is not necessarily substantiated by facts
- Emotional reasoning—using our emotional state as evidence of objective truth
- Magnification—exaggerating the significance of a negative event
- Personalization—assuming responsibility for a negative event when it had nothing to do with you, or was not under your direct control
- Blame—blaming others as a way to feel more in control of a negative situation
Irrational beliefs may underlie or fuel these distortions, and are often the cause of maladaptive behavior and thinking. Such beliefs are subtle—often unconscious—and so can escape our detection even as they drive our behavior. Even rational beliefs can become irrational when applied to all situations. For instance, seeking approval is perfectly appropriate in many situations, but expecting approval in all situations can lead to maladaptive thinking and conflict.
Rewrite the script
If your internal dialogue has become a negative thought spiral, tune in to these thoughts and recognize there is always more than one way of viewing things. Ask yourself: What is the evidence for this? and Are these statements in my best interest?
At first, it is helpful to write your thoughts down. Externalizing them makes them more real, gets them out of the feedback loop in your head, and can allow you to deal with them more objectively. Rewriting your internal script requires practice, but eventually can become just as automatic as the negative thinking itself.
Follow these four steps:
- Notice automatic thoughts. In any situation, we need to tune in and listen to what we are saying to ourselves. Instead of talking to yourself on autopilot, notice the words and ideas being expressed.
- Identify distortions. See if you recognize any thought distortions or irrational beliefs. Words to watch out for are should, must, have to, ought, always, and never.
- Challenge your thoughts. This step is often the most difficult and may even require some courage to push through. Ask yourself: What is the evidence? Is there another way to view this situation? Is it in my best interest to hold this belief?
- Rewrite your thoughts. Replace the thought distortions and irrational beliefs with more accurate, constructive statements. You don’t necessarily have to fully believe these statements. The important thing is to practice replacing negative thoughts with more positive or neutral ones. If you do not have enough evidence to weigh in on an idea, take action and look for the evidence. Reality checks are an important tool in transforming our internal dialogue.
When rewriting, remember, all thoughts are just thoughts. It will help you avoid the pitfall of self-criticism, especially if you are the type of person who tends to obsess over evaluation your self-performance. In such a case, be extra careful to ask the right questions and not to criticize your lack of ability to perceive a situation optimally. In short, don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up.
