Will You Be Happier Single Or in a Relationship?

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Around the world, people in relationships tend to be happier and healthier than those who are single. But is it always the case that people who are partnered are better off? Research says no.

We are social creatures, and romantic relationships are an important way we fill our social needs. Romantic relationships have historically been the norm in adulthood, and those without a partner have faced stigma and unmet social needs, impacting their quality of life. But navigating life with another person is not always easy, and even the best relationships are likely to occasionally involve conflict, disappointment, and hurt feelings. For some people, it seems, singlehood offers a welcome respite from the negative aspects of romantic relationships.

Although we are all social creatures, how we approach our social relationships can differ depending on the types of goals we hold. Scholars have identified two main motivations underlying our social goals: approach and avoidance.

When people are approach-motivated, they tend to focus more on reaping relationship rewards. In a social context, people who hold approach social goals focus on opportunities that allow them to enhance intimacy and foster growth in their relationships. This focus on approaching positive experiences is associated with more positive outcomes, including greater relationship satisfaction.

In contrast, when people are more avoidance-motivated, they tend to focus on avoiding relationship costs. In a social context, people who hold avoidance social goals focus on opportunities that allow them to avoid or minimize conflict or disagreements. This focus on avoiding negative experiences paradoxically leads people to attend more to the negative, and is associated with more negative outcomes, including lower relationship satisfaction.

For someone who has high approach social goals, a great relationship is characterized by more positive experiences—more intimate and fun moments together, more warmth and connection. Sure, there might be a fight or two along the way, but those do not define the relationship. For someone who is high in avoidance social goals, a great relationship is characterized by few negative experiences—a stable relationship without much conflict or disappointment. Sure, there might be moments of fun, but it’s the lack of negativity that defines the relationship.

How do these goals shape the association between relationship status and well-being? In general, people have greater life satisfaction if they are in a relationship than if they are single (especially if they have high approach goals). But, this is not true for people who have high avoidance goals. Across two different studies, researchers found that for people who are more avoidance-motivated in their relationships, there is no difference in life satisfaction between those that are single and those who are in a relationship. It seems that when relationships are mainly approached with the goal of avoiding conflict and disappointment, not being in a relationship at all may be an equally satisfying choice.