Welcoming Distractions in Your Mindfulness Practice

busy mind

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I know the title sounds counterintuitive but bear with me! In this instant-gratification society, mindfulness neophytes often picture an instantly happy, relaxed, and still meditation, void of distracting thoughts, mental states, or difficult feelings. Although many experienced meditators do commonly experience deep states of calm, peace, bliss, and joy (no wonder they continue to practice regularly), this is largely a problematic illusion and needlessly discourages many who can significantly benefit from the practice. Too many people give up too soon, deciding meditation or mindfulness isn’t for them, prematurely, missing out on all the practice can offer.

It's easy to lose sight of the fact that our minds have been trained to be digressive since infancy. Thus, the mind is not going to automatically calm so quickly when distraction has been the norm. It's a gradual process with ups and downs; just like learning anything. You didn't expect to know how to drive perfectly the first time you grabbed a steering wheel, did you? Learning important skills takes time, practice, and dedication.

Every meditator knows that distractions are not only inevitable but also central to the process. My brother spent seven months in India to learn meditation last year. We spoke recently about how the quality of our minds during our respective mindfulness practices seemed to vary significantly depending on myriad factors, such as time of day, quality of sleep, and exercise, what was happening that day, etc. Sometimes, we agreed, we’re able to bring our minds back quickly and efficiently when they wander during meditation, and other times, five to ten minutes can pass before we realized we’re distracted! This is common, even for me, after eight years of experience. I can’t emphasize enough that distractions are fundamental to the practice. As I have written in previous posts, there are even many variations of mindfulness meditation where you’re purposely focusing on the distractions themselves; noticing where the mind goes, seeing what happens to the thought, for example, as and right after you notice it.

Unfortunately, many people mistakenly believe mindfulness meditation is "not for me" because of this grave misconception. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Always apparent, but especially when you use sound as your object of meditation (sound is my recommendation for beginners), you’ll see there’s no such thing as a mind or even an environment too distracting for meditation. Again, it’s all part of the practice. It’s all about how you respond when you noticed you were distracted. What happens when you notice you were distracted? Did you beat yourself up, or compassionately escort your attention back to your object of awareness? What matters most is how you respond to distractions, not if or how many times they occur. Each time you remember to bring your focus back, you strengthen your muscle of remembering.

Even if you’re distracted for a long time, you can always begin again, as Dr. Sam Harris teaches meditators on his Waking Up App. Distraction can also be very interesting to notice. Once you notice you’re distracted, you’re not distracted anymore. It’s not if but when you get distracted. The important part is bringing your mind back, gently, which the same patience we would have if it were a puppy or newborn baby. That’s the essence of the practice.

The truth is we don’t control our minds; when we forcefully try, we all know the mind makes a mockery of us. The more you try to control your thinking, the more rebellious it may feel. It's like fighting the riptide in an ocean. Here's another example. If I told you to just sit there and do nothing, thoughts would just arise on their own, whether you choose them or not. In fact, this is one of the most basic arguments against free-will, which is a philosophical discussion for another day.

To put this into practice and welcome distraction in your meditation, intentionally plan to meditate with the assumption that your mind will wander frequently. Notice how many times and where it goes. Notice how much time passes without you knowing you were distracted. From a mindfulness perspective, you can’t do it wrong as long as you’re just noticing what’s happening nonjudgmentally. What did you notice? Another idea is to count your breaths and notice how many times you lose count, of course, nonjudgmentally. I remember one time I was so stressed out, I couldn’t get past four breaths, no matter how hard I tried to just count them!

The essence of mindfulness is compassionately and nonjudgmentally noticing your experience. Ironically, as you practice, it dramatically transforms the quality of your experience, and your mind, for the better. The mind is all we have to experience our world; it is the filter for everything we perceive and do. Its quality ultimately determines that of our lives.

This post is for educational purposes and should not substitute for psychotherapy with a qualified professional.