The Story of Us

"So," your friends and family ask, "how did the two of you meet?" The origin of your relationship may have greater significance than you think. A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships focused on 62 cohabiting couples who had connected in a variety of ways. Their stories, along with other research, reveal how the context in which a relationship starts might influence its future. "Diverging destinies may begin at the point of meeting," the researchers write.

A supportive network can help. Partners who met through friends and family reported that their shared social circles made the relationship seem more natural, and the authors argue that such couples have more incentives to make the relationship work. "I don't think we pay enough attention to how much support relationships need," says coauthor Sharon Sassler, a social demographer at Cornell. "It may take a village to raise a child, but it also takes support to keep couples together through challenging times."

Want lasting love? Try college. Half of the couples who met at college did so through involvement in a student organization, and school-based social networks can help support these relationships. Bonus: Whether a couple actually meets at college or not, research shows that college-educated couples are the most likely to marry and stay married. "Having a stable job and having finished your schooling and not having kids before you get married help ensure that a relationship is more likely to survive," Sassler says.

Perceptions matter. "There's some stigma, not necessarily deserved, about meeting at particular locations," says sociologist Amanda Jayne Miller, who coauthored the study. Some couples worried enough about how others would perceive the circumstances of their meet-up that they invented cover stories. Places of concern included the Internet, which drew skepticism from some relatives; bars (for women in particular); and the workplace. Those who met at work were the least likely to have shared plans to stay together long-term.