4 Easy Ways to Rekindle the Spark

My toddler, many years ago.

Source: Carolyn Sharp

“Byyyyyyyeeeee Daddy!!! I love you!!! I will miss youuuuuu!”

The toddler’s exuberant yell echoed across the quiet street early yesterday morning as Geoff and I did our walk. Seconds later, the father appeared, carrying armloads of boxes and bags. He and I made eye contact and smiled.

“I miss those days!” I said, fondly remembering when my daughter would call out to me when I left the house.

He laughed, “Yes—especially since I will be gone for less than an hour!”

Geoff and I smiled, squeezed hands, and kept walking.

The child’s exuberance and palpable love for their dad lifted all our spirits and left me wondering about the power of such expressed love.

Do you send your partner off on their errands with such enthusiasm? Can you imagine the reaction if you did?

Raw expressions of love, like the one we witnessed, are powerful yet all too uncommon in the daily life of a committed couple. At some point in most relationships, the effusiveness in parting and reunions settles into a quick kiss or hug, sometimes even less. As couples settle into the routine of long-term commitments, the exuberance in greetings often fades away.

In this, we lose an opportunity for connection and health.

There are countless pop-culture aphorisms about not taking things for granted:

• "Don't wait for the perfect moment; take the moment and make it perfect."
• "Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things."
• "The best things in life aren't things; they're people, moments, and memories."
• "Don't take anything for granted; tomorrow is not promised."

And yet, the act of settling into normal life encourages just that. Once we settle into our committed relationships, so many couples stop expressing excitement for each other. They stop saying hello and goodbye with any specialness, and they lose the joy experienced in the child’s scream to tell dad goodbye.

The Importance of Expressed Love

Expressing love and excitement, especially in the small moments of daily life, can have a profound impact on the health and happiness of a relationship. These moments are opportunities to reinforce your connection and show appreciation for each other. When we neglect these expressions, we may unknowingly allow distance to grow between us and our partners.

The Science Behind Expressed Love

Research in psychology and relationship science underscores the significant benefits of expressing love and affection:

• Enhanced relationship satisfaction. Studies show that partners who regularly express affection and appreciation for each other report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Acts of love, such as saying "I love you" or giving a warm hug, release oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," which fosters feelings of bonding and trust.
• Reduced stress. Expressing love and receiving affectionate gestures can reduce stress levels. Physical touch and kind words can lower cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone, promoting relaxation and well-being.
• Improved communication. Regular expressions of love can enhance communication within the relationship. When partners feel valued and loved, they are more likely to communicate openly and effectively, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings and conflicts.
• Increased emotional resilience. Couples that engage in frequent expressions of love and support are better equipped to handle life's challenges together. This emotional resilience strengthens the partnership, making it easier to navigate difficult times.

Firing the Love Back Up

To bring back the spark, consider these simple practices:

1. Make greetings special. Whether you're leaving for work or just heading to the grocery store, take a moment to say goodbye with genuine warmth and enthusiasm. A heartfelt "I love you" or an excited "See you later!" can make a big difference, and you will both notice something different.
2. Celebrate reunions. When you come back together, no matter how brief the separation, greet each other with excitement. A big hug, a kiss, or even a simple smile can bring some life and spark back to your connection immediately.
3. Express gratitude. Regularly express gratitude for your partner. Thank them for the little things they do, and remind them of the qualities you love about them.
4. Be present. When you are together, be fully present. Put away distractions and focus on each other, even if just for a few minutes or even a few seconds. In all these things, it is about the quality of the connection, rather than the length or quantity.

By incorporating these small but meaningful actions into your daily routine, you can strengthen your connections and bring back some of the joy and excitement that may have faded over time. Just as a child's exuberant love can lift spirits, so too can our own expressions of love and appreciation enhance our relationships, creating a deeper, more fulfilling connection.

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Bring back the playfulness and watch what happens.