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How easy it is to point the finger at someone else who lacks self-knowledge. Doesn’t he or she realize how annoying, how gossipy, how grumpy or lazy they are? It’s obvious to you, why not to them? They need to open their eyes!
Maybe so. But how about our own self-knowledge? How willing are we to turn the critical lens inward and examine our own desires and habits and question their value? Who knows the dark thoughts that a dose of self-examination and self-knowledge might reveal? Reason enough to put it off or avoid it altogether, right?
The deterrent to honestly examing our own mentality may be a fear of what unhealthy traits lurk below the surface that we’re ignorant of. We want to be our best, but is self-knowledge a necessary step toward that goal?
Experience shows that it can and should be eye-opening. It keeps us from going about our lives with blinders on. But gaining self-knowledge doesn’t have to be a dismal experience. In fact, it can be inspiring.
About twenty-five years ago I was self-employed and earning a modest living, but didn’t feel I was growing sufficiently. Money wasn’t the underlying issue; it was that I felt stalled out. I sensed there was another level to achieve in my life that would be more fulfilling but I also felt it wasn’t going to come from surrounding circumstances. It was something within that was holding me back, and I felt a longing to grow. The question was: in what way?
What came to mind one day was something in an article I’d read that described three stages of growth: self-knowledge, humility and love. In the absence of taking that first step, self-knowledge, the author said something that struck a chord with me: “Mental darkness is senseless error, neither intelligence nor power, and its victim is responsible for its supposititious presence.” (The article is titled ‘The Way’ by Mary Baker Eddy, contained in her compilation of Miscellaneous Writings.)
Taking responsibility for a lack of self-knowledge was a wake-up call. All along I’d been yearning to understand what was missing in my life, and had no idea what would fill the void. The notion that I was capable of changing that was just what I needed to learn.
A week later I was invited to attend a business conference. The man chairing the conference and conducting the main meeting was a successful businessman who had agreed to provide, voluntarily, what guidance and assistance he could to the attendees. He simply wanted to be of service.
His personal greeting as we entered the hall and the sincere and instructive conversations he had with each of us throughout the day were unlike most business transactions I’d encountered. He was extraordinarily humble, unselfish, and tireless. He stood to gain nothing from the conference except the pure satisfaction of helping others, and there was plenty of that going on. He loved what he was doing and it showed.
On the three-hour drive home I kept trying to nail down what it was he knew or had or expressed that was so inspiring and that far-exceeded a merely businesslike manner. Whatever quality he naturally displayed struck me as a great example of what I needed and what I’d like to cultivate.
A few moments later a word came to mind, and not one I’d conjured up. In fact, when grace popped into my thought I wasn’t sure why. What I was certain of was that at that same moment the word came to mind, the mental darkness vanished. Grace, I realized, was what I’d been missing. It includes humility, patience, and unselfishness. In that moment I felt a conviction that grace was just what I needed. The yearning – praying -- to know what would contribute to my growth was answered.
Turn the clock ahead twenty-five years and growth continues. I’d like to say I exude grace at every moment, but frankly I have a ways to go. Still, thanks to that businessman I have a good example to recall of grace in action, and a deeper conviction that because it’s a spiritual quality it’s always there to draw on.
What’s changed is that I no longer overlook that fact, and as a result I have quite a different concept of myself. I see capacities and possibilities for growth I hadn’t seen before.
Self-knowledge, it turns out, isn’t about coming face-to-face with what’s wrong with us and being stuck with that. It’s about awakening to what’s right and good about us right down to the core, giving that our full attention, wanting to understand the full dimension of this viewpoint, and allowing it to transform us.
For this elevating outcome, sooner is better than later.
