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I have been thinking a lot lately about how much media noise comes into my life every day and how much online reading and learning I do. I have also pondered why I sometimes spend 12 hours writing at my computer. I wonder if the reading and writing are a distraction, or if it gives meaning to my life.
When I am traveling to other cultures and countries, I often ask questions because we can learn from other ways of seeing the world.
Over the past few years, I asked people I met about what really matters to them and gives their lives meaning and purpose.
In Tunisia, my friend Rabii, a film and TV composer, said that what matters to him is music. He lives it and breathes it; it gives his life purpose.
In Mérida, Mexico, I met Isabella at a museum, and her eyes filled with tears when she said she had recently been widowed, and she was filled with regret about silly fights she had with her beloved before he died. “Now what matters to me is not wasting time, and maximizing every moment you spend with people you love. It would be easy for me to fight with my sister or my older brother because they can both be stubborn and controlling. But before I open my mouth, I think of how much energy it will take to argue, and I back off. Then the anger passes and I haven’t wasted time and energy.”
My friend Donna is a Mescalero Apache grandmother in Southern New Mexico. She is also an anthropologist and designer. She devotes enormous time and energy to her grandchildren, taking them on trips, teaching them, and sponsoring them in tribal ceremonies. “What matters to me is passing on our traditions and teachings to the younger generation. That is my purpose.”
Skip, a teenager I met in El Paso, Texas, just broke his wrist while skateboarding, and he said he had broken his elbow last year. “I just want to have fun. I guess I have to decide if I want to have fun skateboarding, or if I want to avoid breaking any other body parts. As you can see right now, having fun is winning.”
Marco is a sommelier in Italy, and I think he knows each grape in the wine he drinks. I told him that I assumed wine was what mattered most to him, and his answer surprised me. “Wine is nothing without food. Food is nothing without good company. When I open a bottle of wine, I open the possibility of enjoyable time with people, and slowing down from the insane pace of life. I hear that people in the U.S. sometimes eat lunch at their desks. Is that true? It’s unimaginable to me. Lunch is a time to slow down, savor, enjoy. How can you do that at your desk?”
Arya, an Iranian woman, studied architecture but can’t find work in her field. “The most important thing is freedom. Women have had our freedom taken away from us. We have to wear the hijab (head covering) and the patriarchy gives us no choice about it. We are tired of being told what we have to wear and not wear and how we have to be. Freedom. That’s what matters.”
When I think about what I have learned from people I met while traveling, I come to the conclusion that writing, learning, traveling, and teaching give meaning to my life.
It’s something we all need to ponder.
