Therapists in San Francisco, CA

I am a licensed psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience in Psychotherapy, Relationship/Marriage Counseling and Organizational Development and Transformation. Before becoming a licensed psychotherapist, I was a wooden boatbuilder, USCG Licensed Captain, businessman and educator. I still am. Over the years, a diverse spectrum of individuals, couples and groups have arrived in my practice with an equally diverse spectrum of challenges …some common …some not so common. We have worked on them together, usually with satisfying success for all concerned.

My name is James Milner. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist from the San Francisco Bay Area. I have extensive training and experience in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). I believe in helping people live better lives.

Though I work with most issues, I specialize in helping people recover from complex trauma. People with narcissistic, abusive, or neglectful parents or partners sometimes develop issues with trusting themselves, have difficulty maintaining close relationships, struggle with an inner critic, vacillate often between depression and anxiety, lack a solid sense of identity, or feel a sense of emptiness when their lives seem great on paper. Sometimes that trauma can even become part of one's identity - I work with clients to build insight, boundaries, self-compassion, and acceptance to free themselves from it & live more fulfilling lives.

I'm a "seasoned" psychologist in practice for 40 years. I enjoy working with people from diverse cultural and ethnic backgrounds and have always preferred having a "general practice" which allows addressing a wide range of personal concerns. While each individual requires a unique approach; the transformative power of therapy is rooted in the trusting relationship that evolves between you & I. It's the alliance between us which helps you become the person you aspire to be. The work is serious but also allows for having a bit of fun while seeking the most gratifying life to foster a sense of fulfilling purpose for yourself.

The most important thing in working with me is your positive desire to change. Given that I'll bring you into the office, we will discuss your issues of concern and design and implement suggestions to create growth , understanding and lasting solutions. Many clients see me once for behavior change through hypnotherapy. Others see me for ongoing psychotherapy appointments. Some clients combine both modalities to insure continued growth and change. I am optimistic about the possibilities of health and healing through our work together. After forty years in practice I remain committed to my clients and their work with me

My clients seek self-knowledge, firm identity, clear purpose, and meaning in life. They wonder “What’s it all about?”, "Is this all there is?", "How do I find a way?" They avoid cookie-cutter formulas and truisms. They seek authenticity, freedom from self-blame, doubt, anxiety, and depression, confidence during life changes, clarity of purpose, and dignity in a confused and often shallow culture. They are willing to invest in themselves to find themselves. They seek understanding of their attachment style, repressed emotions, unconscious patterns, fixations, blind spots, and defenses.

Navigating life's complexities can often feel overwhelming, especially when you're balancing personal aspirations with societal expectations. Psychotherapy provides a unique space where you can confront and understand these feelings, and address what is holding you back. Together we will explore the unique narrative shaping your experiences, unravel the knots of unconscious conflicts, and relieve emotional burdens. Your creativity and independent spirit are assets; let's use them to foster resilience and self-assuredness, empowering you on your journey towards self-discovery and genuine transformation, not just quick fixes.

Welcome! I'm always struck by how therapy helps us unstick. It's worth it. We just weren't meant to solve all our problems alone. In our work, I'll meet you where you're at, at your pace. Together, we'll create the space where you feel safe to share, solutions can emerge, and you can know yourself better. The skills I bring help things shift over time, combining present listening with eliciting and sharing insights. And while I'll bring my own perspectives, I also welcome pushback. This is a collaborative project. I work with people 1-3x/week.

Life is a journey, and like every journey, it has various possibilities, challenges, and gifts. There was a time when you had a clear vision of what you wanted out of life, but lately, you’ve lost your way. It’s especially difficult when moving to a new place and navigating different cultures. If only there were a way to take a step back and gain some perspective. Then maybe you could reorient your path to align with your goals and ambitions. But that feels impossible. You’ve spent so long going through the motions of life that you’ve lost touch with yourself. You know you need to make a change, but you just don’t know how.

I have relational and engaged approach. My goal is to help you become the true you, and make magnificent, albeit often difficult, discoveries along the way. Together, we will explore your life in a variety of contexts - be it personal, family, social, or historical. I specialize in working with: adults; people in various types and stages of relationships; BIPOC; ethnically, racially and culturally diverse populations; LGBTQAI+, inclusive of all gender identities and sexual orientations; immigrant populations and speakers of English as a chosen language; and, people facing acculturation issues.

As a therapist, my goal is to empower you to ultimately become your “own” therapist once our work together is completed. To do this, I assist my clients in first gaining an understanding of what has—and what has not—been going well for them. I then work actively to assist my clients develop and strengthen skills to use in their daily lives that will help them not only feel better in the short term, but feel more able to take on life’s many challenges. Throughout this process, I seek to create a warm, safe, and enjoyable space where clients feel free to laugh, cry, learn, and ultimately grow.

Most people who come to see me are individuals and couples who are aware that something's wrong, but find that their own solutions to their issues are falling short, or even making matters more complicated. They are looking for support, understanding and REAL help that can be felt both in the present and that will leave a lasting impact.

Perhaps you are feeling stuck, off balance, or trying to make sense of the complex rainbow of feelings you are having. You may be dealing with challenging relational, work, or personal issues. Let’s sit down together and with acceptance and compassion fully take stock of where you are, what it is you really want, and what is getting in the way of making it happen. No part of you gets left behind. I work with both couples and individuals.

Seeing you leave my office feeling better and more comfortable in your skin makes my day. Hearing that your life has changed for the better makes my year. I pledge that when you come to me you will find my heart open to you no matter how you have suffered, no matter what you look like, no matter where you come from and no matter how you live your life. My goal is to look at those things you give me permission to look at and to work with you to meet your wants and needs. .

In my therapy practice, I focus on empowerment: the ability to move freely, think creatively, and speak truth courageously. If you feel disaffected and disillusioned by the pervasive injustice and exploitation in the world, you are not alone. I welcome your anger, your bitterness, your despair, and your grief. There is every temptation to numb, collapse, rage, and rationalize given the state of things, but I will support you as you move away from these habitual responses and seek meaning, purpose, connection, and joy.

Whether you are coping with depression, sexuality issues, struggling with chronic illness or addiction issues, or having problems in your relationships with others, I believe that therapy can help you find the solutions to move forward in your life. I believe that all individuals have the capacity to live their best life and can become 'unstuck' with the help of therapy. I work with adults, both younger and older, cis women and trans & non-binary clients, as well as with couples navigating problems in their relationships.

Perhaps you reached the top of the mountain only to ask, now what? An adamant voice says there is no life worth leading unless you are exceptional. Or you manage things on the surface seamlessly only to feel overwhelmed behind closed doors. It would make so much sense. Our environment has demanded more in recent times—be more, do more, have more—all at once. It is not by chance we exist in the age of superheroes and social media. There are bigger shoes for us and our children to grow into yet not enough room to play or tend to the inner person. Perhaps we learned ways to survive that no longer serve us.

I work with adults (individuals, families, couples, and relationship constellations) on ways to release the grip on coping skills that are no longer serving them, and explore sustainable and affirming perspectives about themselves and the people they care about. I believe that many of the ways we interact with the world are connected to the attachments we have to each other, and attachments/ruptures we experienced in our childhoods. Together, we can explore how these experiences manifest in your life today; and challenge self-limiting beliefs.

As a clinical psychologist, I specialize in working with adults facing difficult family dynamics. Whether caught in recurring patterns with parents or close others, struggling to forge your own identity, or managing the complex emotions that accompany these experiences, I understand the painful tension that arises when trying to balance familial dynamics and personal journeys. Your efforts to resolve this conflict have often resulted in exhaustion and moments of helplessness. My offer is to hold a space for you to discover both old and new parts of yourself while navigating redefined boundaries with the people around you.