Skip to main content

Verified by Psychology Today

Orgasm

Men Who Refuse to Satisfy Women

Cunnilingus is not the only way to stimulate a woman but it's an effective one.

There are women who don't like to perform fellatio. A lot has been written about this topic. Less has been written about the reverse issue: Men who don't like or refuse to perform cunnilingus.

Davide Lomino writes as follows on Vice Italy:

I'm a 31-year-old, married, heterosexual man and I don't like it. It's something that I don't do and that I have always tried to avoid in the past. [...] I love vaginas – I just don't like licking them. I know a lot of guys who don't take pleasure in that act either, but of course there are also a lot of guys who think I'm an ass. Then there are those who do not enjoy it, but still do it out of gratitude or a sense of obligation.

Lomino mentions the smell of vaginas, the awkwardness of the cunnilingus position, and the difficulty of getting it right as reasons that he does not want to perform. As he puts it:

Women are absurdly demanding when it comes to oral sex. The penis is a simple thing — it's hard to get things completely wrong. On the other hand, each woman has her own unique way of receiving and appreciating oral sex, as well as very specific requests.

I hope Lomino does not expect women to happily perform oral sex on him. The truth is, penises don't always smell good either. Then there is the gag reflex, and the awkwardness of having a large banana-shaped object inside your mouth, thrusting back and forth. Add to this the bitter taste of the semen, and is this a simple job? No. It's not called a job for nothing. (Yes, I stole that last reference from Sex and the City.)

If a man doesn't want to go down on you, and he doesn't expect anything in return, then I suppose he's at least not selfish. But the fact is that at least some men expect fellatio without expecting to return the favor.

In this way, one could say they are treating women like pigs. In the female pig, the clitoris is located inside the vagina. That may be very convenient for the pigs, but in human women, the clitoris is not located inside the vagina but several inches above the entrance. This is why many women are not able to achieve orgasms through intercourse. They need clitoral stimulation.

Of course, cunnilingus is not the only way to stimulate a woman to orgasm, but it is an effective way and one that can lead to very intense orgasms for a woman, more so than stimulation with a man's fingers. What's worse, anecdotally at least, is that many men who do not want to perform cunnilingus also don't want to touch a woman's clitoris. They leave it to the woman to stimulate herself while he is penetrating her.

Not caring about a partner's sexual pleasure and satisfaction is extremely selfish. I'm tempted to think that such men suffer from a case of narcissism unless there are reasons I haven't yet heard that can justify not wanting to give one's partner full sexual satisfaction.

I welcome your perspective on this sensitive topic.

Berit "Brit" Brogaard is the author of On Romantic Love.

advertisement
More from Berit Brogaard D.M.Sci., Ph.D
More from Psychology Today