The Joys of Boredom

When I called a friend to find out how she was, she told me, with a laugh, that she was bored. “I am sitting with a book on my lap but I can’t bring myself to start reading. It is enough to stare out the window and do nothing. The boredom is a delight.”

She had an extremely difficult few years with a sick parent, out-of-work daughter, unanticipated major house repairs, and the need to house two grandchildren during the pandemic. Her to-do list only grew longer, and she allotted herself relaxation time in 15-minute increments. But then, things got sorted out and the incessant demands on her life seemed to vanish along with the items on her to-do list. And now she was bored and happy.

Much has been written about overcommitment and the toll it takes mentally and physically. If or when people accept (or have thrust upon them) too many obligations, the result is an erosion of time to sleep, exercise, eat healthily, and the disappearance of time to be alone. Often, the obligations pile up because others assume that the individual will fulfill them. This is often true in the workplace when an employee is given more work than can be done without working late in the evening and on weekends. Unrealistic deadlines, failure of others to meet their own obligations, or ignorance on the part of an office manager about how much work the employee is doing already produce this untenable situation. Sometimes the obligations are generated by a home situation, as in the case of my friend who had no one (or thought she had no one) to help her.

And sometimes, an individual is overwhelmed with tasks and commitments because there is a duet between the asker and the doer. The asker assumes the right to request or demand fulfillment of an obligation, be it doing errands or volunteering at a fund-raising event, and the doer is not able to say no. Or the asker projects helplessness so the doer feels obliged to step in and take over. Many years ago, my husband and I found ourselves cooking Thanksgiving dinner and then doing the dishes in the home of a distant relative. We were guests but she was so disorganized that if we had not taken over, there would have been no dinner.

Caregivers are told to protect their health by making sure they allow sufficient time to renew their mental and physical energy. But often the advice-givers are unaware that the caregivers cannot extricate themselves from the demands of the individual for whom they are responsible, to take the time to relax and attend to their own needs.

Time to be bored, time to not do anything but enjoy looking at a flowering plant or the movement of sunshine across a floor, or to daydream seems like a precious commodity for too many of us. We may not have time to retreat from our tasks until we are in bed about to fall asleep.

Perhaps the start of the journey to boredom is to know what we do every day, not just the major tasks but everything. People who are trying to lose weight are sometimes told to write down every morsel of food they put in their mouths, regardless of how small the item may be. So too, those of us who are trying to figure out why we have no time to sit and “be bored” should write down everything we do in a day, no matter how trivial. Everything takes time. Just as the dieter realizes how quickly calories add up with mindless snacking, we, the overextended, will soon realize how quickly time gets used up in recurring, and often mindless, activities. This daily record, kept over a few days, should then be examined to determine what is absolutely necessary to do and what can be delayed or eliminated. Can any of these obligations be turned over to someone else? Are there others who should be helping but are not because sometimes it is easier to do it oneself rather than waiting for someone, perhaps less well-trained or competent, to carry out the task?

It is not sufficient to note ways in which time can be saved; it is important to be assertive about saving it for yourself. Saying no to requests from others who assume you will say yes is difficult but necessary. Since the pandemic and the use of Zoom, many of us have realized how much time we used to spend in meetings, and indeed simply getting to them. Don’t squander time by taking on obligations that require sitting in a car or in public transportation if alternatives such as deliveries and Internet meetings are available. See what tasks or obligations can be postponed, given to others to do, or eliminated entirely. When it is imperative to have time for yourself, refrain from answering the phone and responding to email or text messages. Using the, “Can I call you later?” message on the iPhone is useful when we don’t want to give up our private time to talk. Too bad no such automatic message is available on our text or email messages.

It may be necessary to remove yourself (if possible) from your task-riddled environment to enjoy a few minutes of doing nothing. A neighbor sits in her car and listens to music. Another goes for a very slow walk with his dog around his yard. A colleague wears noise-reducing headphones at work so her co-workers won’t bother her with their demands. One friend who volunteers for several cultural organizations announces at the start of a meeting that she has to leave at a specific time. She told me that this prevents her time from being wasted by chitchat and meandering comments during a meeting. And she leaves when she says she will, regardless of if the meeting is over or not.

In our overcommitted life, a few minutes of boredom are precious. It is important to keep this in mind as the activities of the fall and winter put even more demands on our time.