Workplace Abuse: The Role of Belonging in the Bullying Cycle

To belong is an essential human longing, an intrinsic need to be part of something bigger than oneself. Belonging both validates that we are worthy and offers support, which is impossible when standing alone (William & Nida, 2011). However, despite this shared yearning, depending on our concept of self, we set out to secure this holy grail in widely different ways.

In the context of workplace bullying, maladaptive strategies to seek belonging are often the antecedents of workplace abuse.

The Six "Characters" Who Seek Belonging in Workplace Bullying

Though labels may limit our view of the world, they can also be helpful tools for making sense of a complex phenomenon such as workplace abuse. In the context of workplace bullying, six central characters tend to emerge across experiences, each utilizing a particular strategy to establish and maintain belonging that impacts the trajectory of workplace bullying (Suskind, 2023).

Workplace bullying is the "degradation of a person's character through gossip, manipulation, sabotage, gaslighting, exclusion, and ostracization with the goal of driving the person out of a job" (Suskind, 2023). The detrimental fallout of workplace abuse, in part, is due to the revocation of belonging to one's work community and, more tragically, to oneself (Garfinkel, 1956).

Let's meet the six primary players.

The Creative

The "creative" is the hero of the workplace abuse scenario and, hence, is the one targeted by those who feel threatened by her unorthodox ways and strong sense of self. The creative tends to be a content expert, innovative, well-liked, non-confrontational, highly ethical, and possessing a benevolent worldview. She subscribes to a big tent philosophy of belonging, believing diverse experiences and perspectives make for a stronger and more productive work culture and there is a sacred space for everyone under the tent.

First and foremost, the creative belongs to herself, equipped with a strong inner compass that charges her to live an ethical and meaningful life in service to the greater good (Kelley & Littman, 2001).

The Dragon

The "dragon" is threatened by the creative's excellence, inner strength, and inclusive nature and, therefore, sets out to degrade her character through tools such as gossip, manipulation, sabotage, and exclusion. The dragon fears she is not worthy of belonging, so she writes the unofficial rulebook that puts her in a power position according to the formal hierarchy or informal social structure.

To force the belonging she is unable to earn, she wields her influence by constructing an inner circle of "bad followers" made up of "shapeshifters" and "community builders" who carry out her dirty work, allowing her to keep her claws clean (Solas, 2019). The dragon operates from a scarcity mindset, believing only a few people belong, so she attempts to claim her seat at the table by eliminating the competition (Babiak and Hare, 2007).

The Shapeshifters

The shapeshifters yearn to belong but lack the personal confidence and social competencies to forge connections in an authentic way. The dragon capitalizes on the shapeshifters' insecurities and offers belonging in exchange for doing her bidding. Unfortunately, this offer of belonging is conditional and is immediately revoked if they do not comply with the dragon's wishes. Thus, as directed, the shapeshifters set out to destroy the creative, sullying her name through well-orchestrated gossip campaigns.

The Community Builders

The community builders are kind-hearted but willowy, bending easily with the winds. Their "go along to get along" disposition makes them easy recruits for the dragon. Community builders want to be liked and struggle with confrontation and thus do not speak out against injustices.

Therefore, they do not come to the aid of the creative when she comes under attack. The community builders believe that in order to belong, they must remain quite small, never challenging the status quo nor putting forth innovative ideas that might violate the unofficial rulebook or shake the hierarchy. However, this complicity is not neutral and contributes to the progression of the bullying cycle.

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The Figureheads and Leaders

At the top levels, organizations place a collection of "figureheads" and "leaders" at the helm.

The figurehead requires power over others in order to feel that she is worthy of belonging. The figurehead fears losing her position of influence and thus micromanages the work of others in order to maintain control. Appearances are important to the figurehead, so she resists taking intellectual risks or speaking up against injustices out of fear of rebuke.

The dragon feeds the figurehead's fragile ego to gain favor and influence. The figurehead believes that belonging comes from power and authority, thus maintaining a tight ship of controlled mediocrity while carefully managing her self-image. When problems arise, such as reports of bullying, instead of investigating and addressing the issue, she preserves her "belonging" in the C suite by closing the blinds.

The leader is most often a creative, thus embodying dual roles. Like the creative, the leader subscribes to a big tent belonging, believing diverse voices are essential for progress. The leader typically secured her position by being a disrupter and expert in her field.

Instead of shutting down critical conversations, the leader invites debate, viewing conflict as an essential ingredient for growth (Edmondson, 2018). When concerns arise, such as complaints of bullying, the leader gets curious about the conditions and enlists others to join her in a deep dive into the circumstance. The leader, too, belongs primarily to herself, and this strong sense of being allows her to stand strong while others bend to the winds of politics.

In closing, belonging both drives the behaviors of key players in the bullying cycle and is weaponized against the creative in the bully's war. As Maya Angelou (1998) aptly puts it, "You only are free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great…."

She goes on to share, "More and more… I belong to myself. I'm very proud of that. I am very concerned about how I look at Maya. I like Maya very much."

Creatives tap into this strong sense of self, equipping them to take the intellectual risks necessary for extraordinary feats. However, this internal understanding and confidence threatens the dragon and is why she sets out to destroy the creative, first by revoking her belonging to the work community and second by revoking her belonging to herself through a carefully orchestrated gossip campaign.

Thus, to heal from workplace abuse, the creative must find or create an inclusive community, reclaim her stolen narrative, and remember belonging to oneself is an inherent human right, not an outside gift bestowed by others.