When Your Partner Lives by Different Rules

We are a middle income, home-schooling family. We pinch pennies
wherever we can. Every few months, my husband gets the itch to buy a
toy such as a fixer-upper vehicle, which he usually resells for more
than he paid. However, he believes that I would be blowing money if I
spent $150 on needed clothes (I haven't bought any in two or three
years) or on my hobbies of gardening, decorating and sewing. I do not
work outside the home, but manage our mobile home park, which can be a
full-time job. My husband believes that because I do not go out and
earn money, I don't have the right to spend money on anything but the
bare necessities for me and our children. What is your
opinion?

I think Hubby has created one set of rules for himself and imposed
another set on you, and that's unfair. Further, it breeds resentment on
your part, and that's the fast track to personal unhappiness and marital
misery. The rules that two people live by must be jointly established.
You both have to give pretty equally, and you both have to feel that
you're getting pretty equally. And you have to hammer out the rules in
deliberate conversation, however difficult it may be.

In his unilateral rule making, Hubby has very selfishly decided
that only what he does has value, and overlooked the value of everything
you do. At a most basic level, activities like gardening and decorating
add direct financial value and considerable pleasure (which has value) to
a home. Managing the property is a highly productive activity and your
maintenance makes the site attractive to renters, so it too brings in
revenue. Home-schooling the kids is worth at least a teacher's
salary.

You and Hubby urgently need a joint discussion on finances to set
up rules that work for both of you. If he continues to devalue everything
you do, then I suggest you very pleasantly stop maintenance work, you
stop all hobbies, you even stop cooking meals. When Hubby notices what
happens when your work isn't done, he may have new ideas about the value
of the work you do. That's the time to resume setting up a relationship
that works for both of you.