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Workplace Dynamics
4 Ways to Reclaim Your Confidence After a Toxic Workplace
How to Fully recover from the aftereffects of a toxic workplace.
Posted May 23, 2024 Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
How do you reclaim your confidence after dealing with a toxic workplace? It’s a question that’s top of mind for many professionals who seek jobs that protect their mental and emotional health.
While toxic workplaces seem to be on the rise, workers have become less tolerant of poor management and office drama. In fact, a recent study conducted by MIT’s Sloan School of Management found that a toxic workplace culture is the number-one reason people leave their jobs.
As an executive coach, I’ve witnessed countless intelligent, capable professionals struggle to regain their confidence after such an experience. They carry hyper-vigilance and reactivity into their next role, which affects their performance and happiness.
Take Joy, for example. She was three months into her new role as a project coordinator at an IT company. Overall, her first 90 days had been a success. Despite these results, she told me, “I feel like I’m carrying baggage from my last role. My old boss would always twist my words. I could never bring up hard topics without him going off on me.”
Joy’s past toxic workplace experience had clearly scarred her. And she’s not alone. Workplace trauma is a very real if under-discussed issue. Any number of damaging behaviors can cause it, from verbal harassment or social isolation to racism and job insecurity. One client manager described living with workplace trauma well by asking, “Has anyone ever had toxic workplace PTSD? Like, the chime sound of an incoming email evokes your ‘fight, flight, or freeze response?’ Or is that just me?”
If you’ve already made the decision to say goodbye to a toxic workplace, now you deserve to reclaim your confidence and leave its effects behind you.
4 Ways to Reclaim Your Confidence After a Toxic Workplace
1. Create closure. You may hold onto resentment toward those who mistreated you. Or perhaps you ruminate, replaying conversations endlessly. This type of overthinking is common and understandable: Our minds dislike ambiguity and will attempt to seek answers, even when it’s not helpful.
It’s possible to channel your need for cognitive closure into a new beginning instead of allowing your thoughts to frustrate you. For instance, Joy realized that although she would never get an apology, she didn’t actually need one. Instead, she needed to forgive and express appreciation for herself. I asked Joy to write a letter to her past self, acknowledging that she did her best with the resources, insight, and skills she had at the time. This proved to be a powerful way to create the closure she wanted.
Moving on from a job — toxic or not — is a grieving process, so give yourself time to process the loss. Consider writing a “goodbye” note (that you don’t send), archiving or deleting your work files, or shredding old documents as a ritual to release the experience and move on.
2. Look for what you can control. Despite the fact that abusive or bullying behavior is never the victim’s fault, self-blame is an all-too-common trauma response. Out of feelings of shame, you may find that you are constantly questioning yourself: What if I had stood my ground? Was I just being too sensitive?
This is where self-compassion and constructive action need to be implemented. Destructive thought patterns will always keep you from rebuilding your sense of self. For example, at your previous company, your manager might have insisted that employees be responsive 24/7. You, in turn, may have found yourself burnt out. Should you beat yourself up for being a “pushover”? Of course not. The expectation of being “always on” was created by your manager, not you.
To move forward, choose to focus your energy on improving for the future. For example, maybe you commit to strengthening your assertive communication skills so that the next time you are given an unreasonable demand, you will be able to speak up and set appropriate boundaries.
3. Anticipate triggers. Familiar situations can often induce old stress reactions, so give careful attention to situations in your new role that feel familiar. Clearly identifying emotional triggers can give you the strength to address them proactively, weakening their impact.
Joy noticed that she was particularly on edge before one-on-ones with her new manager. As a solution, she chose to practice some simple breathing exercises in advance to calm her nervous system. She also became more mindful of the stories she was telling herself. For example, if her boss didn’t immediately offer positive feedback, she’d think, “Not again! Another manager that doesn’t appreciate me.” Joy’s unhelpful inner dialogue was only projecting the past forward. Recognizing this helped her view her new manager through a neutral lens.
4. Savor the high notes. Do you find yourself frequently worrying about other people’s perceptions of you? To a degree, this is normal. Your brain is wired to look out for potential danger, but its efforts can become heightened following traumatic experiences. The good news is that you can rewire your focus. Try savoring, a psychological technique that involves turning positive, fleeting moments into positive beliefs.
Here are a few exercises you can try:
- Positive reminisce. Spend 10 minutes per day reflecting on thoughts and emotions related to an enjoyable moment.
- Three good things. Write down three positive events each day and reflect on why they happened.
- Share with others. Create a daily practice of relating “daily highs” to a loved one or colleague.
- Self-congratulations. Relish in moments of strength and times throughout the day when you exercise them.
- Positive imagination. Think about the next day and imagine in detail all the good things that could happen.
Above all else, remember that adjusting to a new role can be stressful under even the best of circumstances. By caring for yourself and practicing self-compassion, you can rise up more resilient than ever before.
