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Key points
- Although romantic relationships can make us happy, they can also be a source of stress and conflict.
- In fact, relationship distress is as strong a predictor as other major predictors of mental illness.
- Building resilience may help couples manage relationship stress and prevent the development of mental illness.
In the United States, one in two people will meet the criteria for a psychological disorder at some point in their life. A major cause of mental illness may be difficulties coping with relationship stress and conflict.
Although romantic relationships can provide comfort, security, social support, and resilience, they can also be a source of stress, anxiety, and depression.
A recent paper by S. C. South of Purdue University explores the association between relationship distress and mental illness. The paper, published in the June issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science, will be discussed here.
Does relationship distress cause mental illness?
Relationship distress is associated with a number of mental health issues, such as anxiety disorders, phobias, depression, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, and alcohol and substance use disorders. The mental illness studied the most in the context of marital distress is depression. Reviewing this research, South concludes that depression has a “moderate negative relationship with marital satisfaction.” This is significant.
To put this in perspective, correlations between depression and its major risk factors—sex, education, race, family history, and childhood abuse—are either similar to or smaller than the association between depression and marital distress.
An important question is whether relationship distress causes mental illness or whether mental illness causes relationship stress.
Previous longitudinal research suggests it is often relationship difficulties that lead to mental health problems, not the other way around. To illustrate, one investigation found that, initially, non-depressed participants in dissatisfying relationships were nearly three times more likely than those in happy relationships to experience depression.
Why is relationship distress associated with mental health issues?
Genes and environment likely contribute to both romantic conflict and mental health symptoms. Furthermore, it may be that biological influences on mental illness can be weaker or stronger depending on how much distress and conflict one is experiencing in the relationship.
In other words, a vulnerability-stress model (also known as diathesis-stress) may explain the link between mental illness and marital difficulties.
The vulnerability-stress model proposes that exposure to external stressors—be it discrimination, personal illness, or death in the family—is unlikely to cause mental illness in the absence of intrinsic vulnerability, such as biological, cognitive, or emotional risk factors (e.g., certain genes, anxiety sensitivity).
Simply put, marital distress could trigger the development of mental illness only in those predisposed to it.
Another possibility is that individuals in high-conflict relationships are less likely to employ adaptive emotion-regulation strategies (e.g., problem-solving, reappraisal, social support). Or more likely to use maladaptive techniques (e.g., self-blame, emotional suppression, rumination).
This is important because emotion regulation difficulties are associated with an increased risk of developing psychopathology. For example, a lack of social support from their romantic partner can leave an individual more vulnerable to stressors in different domains, such as work, school, and social life.
Relationship stress and couple factors
Stress comes in many forms. War, terror, pandemic, climate change, money troubles, and workplace challenges, to name a few. Previous research shows that responses to stress are determined not just by individual factors but also by couple factors. For instance, by co-rumination, stress contagion, and mutual hostility (see the cycle of anger).
Therefore, a conflict-laden romantic relationship can cause significant stress. And in individuals vulnerable to mental health issues, relationship distress could trigger mental health symptoms.
Successful coping with relationship stress
How to cope with relationship stress? By building resilience. Resilience means adapting successfully during stressful or traumatic events, either maintaining or quickly regaining healthy functioning.
To build resilience, the first step is to become aware, in an open and curious way, of when and in what situations stress usually occurs and how it manifests in the body.
The second step is to develop equanimity. This requires becoming less reactive and more accepting of the current situation, emotions, and yourself. And to make decisions from a place of stability—as opposed to a place of aversion or clinging.
Finally, the third step is to cope more flexibly. This is the opposite of inflexible coping—engaging in rigid thinking or in behavioral avoidance and compulsions—which is associated with negative health outcomes (e.g., mental illness, high levels of cortisol, low heart rate variability).
Building resilience and maintaining it is a lifelong process. Though self-help strategies (e.g., mindfulness meditation, biofeedback training) can be effective, professional help is sometimes necessary. For instance, you, alone or along with your partner, may benefit from couples therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, or acceptance and commitment therapy.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
