5 Steps to Shift from Languishing to Thriving

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I was recently given a challenge. A national organization of medical specialists contacted me and asked me to speak at its next online meeting.

The theme for the event was “Leading from Languishing to Thriving." The idea came out of Adam Grant’s New York Times article (“There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing”) and the flurry of international media attention that ensued.

My challenge was this: In addition to clinically defining languishing versus thriving, I was to provide a handful of my most potent tips, to shift any languishing physician members out of their ennui and back into thriving. And, I would only have 20 minutes. A pretty tall order!

At the time, I was suspicious of the media hype around this new word of the moment. “Languishing” had never come up in my psychiatry or psychotherapy training, and I was concerned that this was yet another way of pathologizing or even dramatizing a normal emotional state.

Also, everyone had been through so much with the pandemic. There had been so many real things to be anxious about, and endless media coverage about the related mental health crisis. I didn’t want to pile something new to worry about, on already-overburdened shoulders.

What does “languishing” actually mean?

Grant described languishing as feeling “somewhat joyless and aimless." It wasn’t surprising that many would feel this way after the enormous trauma and upheaval of the pandemic. As he wrote, “Many people are struggling with the emotional long-haul of the pandemic.” Not surprisingly, at least for some, “the acute state of anguish has given way to a chronic condition of languish."

Grant credited sociologist Corey Keyes with coining the term academically, so I checked out Keyes’ original article on languishing versus flourishing in the 2002 Journal of Health and Social Behavior.

According to Keyes, “Languishing may be conceived of as emptiness and stagnation, constituting a life of quiet despair that parallel accounts of individuals who describe themselves as ‘hollow’, ‘empty’, ‘a shell’ and ‘a void'.” (To me, Keyes’ description sounded more intense than Grant’s portrayal of what it means to languish.)

If you’re feeling this way, should you be worried?

I would have been inclined to say that feeling this way is entirely understandable, given what we've been through as a society. You probably need to give yourself some time to process what you’ve been through and start feeling better. However, Keyes points out that according to data, the risk of a major depressive episode is nearly six times greater among languishing versus “flourishing” adults.

So, if you feel like you’re languishing, you might want to speak to your doctor or a counselor as a first step. As I always say, if you’re not feeling well, please don’t diagnose yourself. Seek out professional help.

That said, here are my top five tips that I came up with, which are some of the most effective ways to start feeling better ASAP.

1. Write out a description of what a flourishing life looks like for you.

Write this somewhere where you can refer to it later. Do this with pen and paper if possible. What are the components of a flourishing life for you? What would you be doing? What might a typical week look like? Don’t hold back. Get creative. Forget about any limitations just for the sake of the exercise.

Now, take a look. Is there anything in there that’s missing right now that you could easily add to your life this week? Write it down. Set the goal. Do it.

2. Focus on people by cultivating relationships.

Robert Waldinger leads the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running research program examining all aspects of adult life. According to Waldinger, the clearest message from the study results is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier, period. They are the most powerful factor in our well-being.

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Whatever your current circumstances, pick a relationship that’s important to you. Choose one that could use more attention. It’s the quality, not quantity, of our connections that count. Come up with one thing you could do to improve the quality and connection in that relationship. Put it into action.

3. Seek out fun and joy for the sake of your brain.

The last year has been hard on our brains and in turn, our moods. Chronic stress, worry, and uncertainty shift the chemistry and wiring of our brains to a more negative “new normal." You can actively shift your brain back to a more positive baseline state by intentionally seeking out activities and experiences that bring you joy.

Listen to music you love. Watch something that makes you laugh. Plan a fun, novel activity (new, positive experiences increase well-being) with someone you always have a good time with. Go for a walk in nature and soak up every beautiful sound, smell, and sight with your whole being.

4. Get moving.

Use exercise, as often as you can, to elevate your mood, clear your head, and infuse your life with well-being. When I work with patients suffering from depression, I always try to get them moving, even just a little bit.

Try to do something physical every day, even if it’s just a short walk. Beyond the well-established mood improvements that come with exercise, a study from the University of Georgia demonstrated that a leisurely 20-minute stroll three days a week can significantly improve chronic feelings of fatigue.

5. Reflect on, and cultivate, meaning and purpose in your life.

The “aimless” state of languishing that Grant described, may have to do with a loss of direction and purpose. The pandemic knocked every one of us off-center in some way. Many people had to just focus on surviving, or getting through. Others grew dizzy from the constant pivots and changes in their work or life.

Dreams and plans got put on hold. Maybe it’s time to pick those up again. Maybe it’s time to make some new ones.

Here’s another writing exercise. Make a list of the times in your life, when you felt most alive or most "on purpose." What were the most meaningful seasons or years for you? Going forward, what do you want your life to “be” about? Your answers will likely point to activities, people, circumstances, or goals you could reconnect with.

The pandemic put things in perspective for many of us. What did you learn about what matters most to you? Perhaps you also discovered that certain things mattered less than you’d originally thought.

If you can connect to a greater sense of meaning, purpose, or contribution in your life, that will pull and drive you forward and help you to shake off any blahs. If whatever matters to you also benefits your community, the world, or even just those around you, that's even better.

© Copyright 2021 Dr. Susan Biali Haas, M.D.

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