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Each year there are thousands of self-help books and countless articles published that are all designed to help you make constructive changes in your life. They claim to help you lose weight, make friends, banish depression or loneliness, cure addictions, and find happiness (as if it is hiding somewhere and you just have to locate it). They often promise maximum results with minimum effort. And in one sense they all work. . . for a short time anyway.
Even psychotherapy is remarkably effective as a change agent, with close to 80% effectiveness with most problems; however the changes made during sessions don't often last once they stop. It is no wonder that the subject of enduring change has been so often ignored because the results are so discouraging. The truth is that we don't really understand that much about why and how change persists in the face of so many forces that lead to relapse. Things are always in a state of flux so the whole idea of measuring change over time is particularly challenging. To complicate matters further, change is in the eye of the beholder.
Whether you are interested in making changes in your own life, or promoting constructive changes in your community or within a particular cause, there are certain factors that will consistently sabotage your effort. There is a kind of push-pull dynamic in which you slip back into old habits or find that others around you are ambivalent or less than supportive of what you're trying to do.
Think of a change you made that endures to this day. I'm serious: do that now.
What do you believe are the factors that most contributed to your ability to maintain the progress over time?
I've been interviewing people for years about those changes that have stuck over time. Whether the changes took place serendipitously, in psychotherapy, in the classroom, or while at work, there are some fairly consistent variables that are most consistently present. This is particularly the case with transformative experiences that have occurred while traveling or when involved in some type of helping activity. More often than not, the most powerful and dramatic changes took place during a time when someone felt lost or literally was lost. In several of my book projects (Making Changes Last, Travel That Can Change Your Life, Changing People's Lives While Transforming Your Own) participants mentioned repeatedly that it was during times when they were facing difficult challenges, became separated from a group, or found themselves completely disoriented, that they were impacted in the most memorable ways, changes that remain until this day. It is interesting to consider that it is often when you are most uncomfortable, most out your element, most confused and anxious, that the real action begins. You are forced to rely on resources that you never knew you had. You are required to solve problems in new ways. And often what you learned from these crises has helped you ever since.
So, when are changes you make most likely to stick with you, even after a trip, event, or experience is over?
When it is internalized. You have to find some way to make the learning yours, to own it, to personalize it in some way.
There is support. Changes fade over time if you don't surround yourself with others who support what you are trying to do. This is the case whether it has to do with losing weight, stopping an addiction, beginning an exercise program, getting in or out of a love relationship, or anything else.
There was high emotional arousal. It is interesting to consider that the times when you are most aroused you are more likely to remember the experience. Most good travel stories, for instance, involve some type of adversity or trauma, even though this is romanticized afterwards.
Changes occurred in multiple modalities. Enduring change occurs when you an active learner. You aren't just listening, but you are stimulated in multiple ways--through action and direct experience.
Interest and commitment are sustained over time. The truth of the matter is that it is really, really hard to stick with a commitment over time. It is so easy to become distracted, to lose focus, or just move on to other interests. Although I've been talking so far about making personal changes in your life, the same principles apply to those efforts related to helping others. People often become involved in a mission for a short period of time but then become frustrated or crave something new. They abandon their work when there are obstacles or difficult challenges. Over the past 10 years I've led hundreds of volunteers to work with me on a project in Nepal (www.EmpowerNepaliGirls), helping at-risk, lower caste girls. Yet less than handful have stuck with the mission after an initial burst of enthusiasm. Meanwhile, lives literally hang in the balance of continuing the work.
Whether you are interested in making relatively permanent changes in your own life, or becoming more actively involved in helping others, the key is to make a public commitment of intentions, one that is difficult to back out of when the going gets tough.
