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The Pursuit of Happiness
Simple things in life can bring us happiness.
In Emily Esfahani Smith’s fascinating article, “There is More To Happiness than Being Happy” (http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/01/theres-more-to-life-t…), she asserts, “While happiness is an emotion felt in the here and now, it ultimately fades away, just as all emotions do; positive affect and feelings of pleasure are fleeting…”
From a modern perspective, looking back to the days of yore, it didn’t take much to make someone happy: Freedom to worship however they wanted – or not, the right to bear arms in order to protect themselves from the French and the British – especially since there was no real militia, a roof over their head, food to eat, wood for a fire, maybe a little money from selling crafts made on the side. These things that we take for granted today were huge for the people who founded our country. Today, like yesterday, we are happy when our needs, wants and desires mesh. But the pursuit of happiness has become connected to what might be termed “selfish” or narcissistic behavior. In our consumer-driven society, it takes ever more goodies, things, new apps, to make us happy. And happiness, as mentioned above, is fleeting. It is present-centered, present hedonism. Nowadays, the pursuit of happiness is, in effect, being a “taker.”
The Search for Meaning
In our hot pursuit of happiness, have we lost the “meaning” in our lives? All indications are a resounding “Yes” as Smith further reports, “The amount of time people report feeling good or bad correlates with happiness but not at all with meaning. Meaning, on the other hand, is enduring. It connects the past to the present to the future.”
In a new study in the Journal of Positive Psychology (2013) researchers discovered that while negative events may decrease happiness, paradoxically they may increase the meaning in life. Traumatic or emotional experiences can build character and teach us hard lessons that make us more compassionate and give us a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. The study also indicates that compared to those people who did not have any life purpose, those people who did report having a purpose, in other words, meaningful goals which have to do with helping others, rated their life satisfaction higher – even when they felt personally down and out. “People who thought more about the present were happier, but people who spent more time thinking about the future or about past struggles and sufferings felt more meaning in their lives, although at the time of the survey, they were less happy.” Having meaning in our lives, in effect, is being a “giver.” Working through past grief, abuse, and failures should not just lead to regret and resignation, but rather resilience, resolve and even post traumatic growth.
Meaningful Happiness
We don’t have to be “takers” to experience happiness. We each know good from bad, right from wrong. Those basic values are embedded in most of us, even as children. And deep within us, we know the real meaning of happiness. Happiness can come from an observation of the beauty that surrounds us, or the sound of our favorite music or birdsong, or the taste of comforting food, or the touch of a loved one. These simple things can bring us happiness; happiness is the feeling of love. We feel happy when someone shows us respect, offers a well-deserved compliment for how we look, or what we did. And so too paying it forward by giving others compliments, by making them feel special, liked, respected. Take time for self-reflection; explore where you are now in your life’s journey, and where would you like to be going. Our past has shaped us into the person we are today and can guide us toward the even better person we want to tomorrow.
Seeking Balance
Finding balance in our lives – seeking happiness as well as meaningful experiences - is what our book, The Time Cure, is about. If you are stuck in the rut of thinking about all the bad things that happened to you, you’ll discover how to replace those past negatives with past positive experiences and start making plans for a brighter future. If you are present fatalistic and think your life now isn’t worth much and can’t be fixed up better, find out how to have some fun and happiness by practicing selected present hedonism while working towards a future positive. And if you are so future- oriented that you don’t have time to be happy in the moment, learn how to stop your pursuit of endless goals, take time to smell the flowers, to be more self-compassionate, to make someone else feel special, and to share your aloha with others.
Finally, at this time of Thanksgiving festivities express to all you know the gratitude you feel for their friendship and the kindness they have shown you. Even more valuable for your well-being, express forgiveness and acceptance to those who have hurt you in some way and reciprocally ask forgiveness for your short comings with them. Yes, it is time to clean up that old slate to start life anew with pride replacing shame and universal giving replacing self-centered taking.
Visit our Psychology Today blogs to get a fuller appreciation of how to create a more balanced time perspective in your life!
Take the Zimbardo Time Perspective Inventory at www.thetimeparadox.com to discover your personal time perspective.
See The Time Cure: Overcoming PTSD with the New Psychology of Time Perspective HYPERLINK "http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/psychotherapy" \o "Psychology Today looks at Psychotherapy" Therapy (Zimbardo, Sword & Sword, 2012, Wiley Publishing); for strategies to reduce stress and improve communication, visit HYPERLINK "http://www.timecure.com/" \o "www.timecure.com" \t "_blank" www.timecure.com and HYPERLINK "http://www.lifehut.com/" \o "www.lifehut.com" \t "_blank" www.lifehut.com.
Visit our website, HYPERLINK "http://www.timecure.com/" \t "_blank" www.timecure.com, to view a free 20 minute video - The River of Time; you’ll learn self-soothing techniques as well as how to let go of past negatives, work towards a brighter future, and live in a more compassionate present.
References
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/01/theres-more-to-life-t…
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