Financial Freedom and the Shifting Expectations of Women

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After six months of dating someone new, you’ll start to get a sense of each other’s financial behaviors.

It starts with who pays the check.

In 2024, do men pay for the first date? The second date? All the dates?

Yes, at least most of the time for the first few dates, according to recent data from Gen Z daters.

Young men report they end up paying for 90% of dates even though only 55% of women reportedly expect them to (Wu, 2023).

In a dating landscape where many women (across generations) are financially free and economically secure, how your partner invests in the relationship will mean something different now and for future generations.

It also predicts future financial behaviors, the day-to-day actions that will lead a couple to feel anxiety-free and financially satisfied in longer-term relationships.

For those dating for over a year, recent newlywed research should prompt you to start exploring your financial compatibility more directly.

One study suggests women’s financial satisfaction increased only when the couple independently managed their finances, while men’s satisfaction increased when they handled all of the couple’s finances (Kulic et al., 2020).

This appears to be evidence of a broader hesitancy to relinquish what influence comes with financial decision-making.

Interestingly, women are typically engaged in more positive financial behaviors when compared to men but still experience more financial anxiety (Lind et al., 2020).

If being in a relationship with low financial anxiety and high financial satisfaction is important to you, start conversations about finances.

Here are two conversations about money worth starting if you’re a committed couple together for over a year:

1. Is there anything either one of you wants to save for? Sharing dreams about travel, home purchases, and other savings goals can be a great way to communicate about your financial behaviors. This isn’t about whether your partner is saving well or enough, it might be to learn whether they’re saving at all. If there’s financial distress, this might prompt other connecting conversations.
2. What does money mean to you, and what does it mean to have enough money? This is particularly important for couples with disparate socioeconomic backgrounds and expectations. For instance, one study found that "dream" husbands had an average income about 58% higher than the actual unmarried men currently available to unmarried women (Lichter et al., 2020).

As relationship dynamics change due to increased financial freedom and other social and economic forces, the relationally effective management of money will be defined idiosyncratically at the relationship level.

That’s why advanced relationship skills and the ability to create shared meaning about finances are more important now than ever before.

*If financial anxiety is an issue, gentleness will be especially important during these conversations. Avoid criticism of financial decisions and in general.