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Providing counseling in the field of psychotherapy entails navigating an increasing number of relational issues that emerge from digital content. Therapists have become a source of guidance to humans when they encounter discord generated by technology-driven interactions.
Steering decision-making in common relational disputes is part of the work conducted in counseling offices. When I began my career as a couple and family therapist in 2005, discussions in therapy sessions differed greatly from those of today due, in large part, to the adoption of digital technologies. How people communicate with each other in the past two decades has changed in unprecedented ways, taxing our abilities to cope in relationships. As a society, we have onboarded all that technology has offered us, which inevitably created emotional repercussions in interpersonal relationships. Changes in how we communicate are happening in important ways that go undetected—until they blow up our secure attachments. These problems have emerged in front of our eyes, in our lifetime.
In 2007, Apple released the first iPhone and we absorbed the technology seamlessly in our daily lives. However, access to unrestricted contact with each other has come with a price tag: our constant attachment to cell phones has stirred up a myriad of relational concerns leaving us with questions of where to turn for guidance in the area of ethical decision making. For example, is it right to insist that your romantic partner stop texting an ex-partner? Are individuals obligated to remove their past partners from their social media? Can you ask your partner to show you their text history to reassure you of the strength of your commitment to each other? Do rights of autonomy override the need to prove relational fidelity? These are common issues for which individuals seek counsel from professionals for guidance.
Digital access to each other and the wider world happened in front of our eyes without any assistance manual. In 2000, no home in the United States subscribed to home broadband for internet connectivity. By 2023, 85 percent of American homes were fully connected to high-speed internet. Our society went from non-internet to internet-dependent without any meaningful analysis of the impact on our ability to obtain healthy attachments to each other. Social media bloomed in these years, absorbing our constant attention at the expense of the people in our physical proximity. According to Facebook, between 2005 and 2023, the site accumulated 2.98 billion monthly active users, and this is just one of the many social media sites.
Remember in the early 2000s when American Idol started a “text to vote” option? Texting was in its infancy at the time. In 2024, we rely upon texts to communicate about most intricacies of ourselves with one another. Resolving problems between each other via texting and social media use is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the need for guidance about ethical decision-making in relationships.
The first step when working with clients is to normalize the stressors involved with complex relational events that stem from digital interactions. Encouraging people to slow down with their feedback to others, whether generated by text or any form of posting, can be helpful. We are all influenced by the culture to feel compelled to respond quickly. Slowing down can lead to strengthening relationships and is an important part of the work that therapists conduct in offices.
A thoughtful assessment of our digital interactions requires context, and therapists will benefit in their work by asking clients to imagine the possible impact that a text or post might have on a relationship. Asking clients to evaluate the context embedded in the relationship will lead to an evaluation of his or her part in interactional patterns.
Guiding others to apprehend the impact of digital content so that they can arrive at their own solutions to problems is the next step therapeutically. We all contribute to solidifying connections to each other through thoughtful responses in our physical or digital relationships by writing messages with forethought of the impact on the reader. This consideration is one worth sharing and liking.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
