Respect and trust are so intertwined that when one is broken, the other quickly follows. So how do regain respect with someone when trust is also irrevocably broken? I am a very black and white personality in my dealing with others, I have a very hard time with grey. You have my trust and respect or you don't, and I ignore you totally. I find that since my ex broke trust repeatedly, it just reinforced my desire to absolutely black and white, since I tried my best to be grey, to save an 18 year marriage and it got me nowhere. There is no anger or hatred, just a deep distrust, lack of respect and desire to have as little interaction with her as possible, only about the child custody issues. I struggle the most with trying to bite my tongue around my children when they discus their mother. Only the respect of her legal and biological rights keeps me grounded to refrain from telling our teenage children my reasons when they ask me why she and I do not interact at all. Someday I hope to be able to interact with her with total detachment, but I struggle because I believe very much in earned trust and respect both ways. I have no desire to attempt to build bridges with her, she has torched the ones we had. My love and respect for the children are the only thing that keep me interacting with her at all.