The Power of Positive Words

How is it that the same words uttered by a woman in the workplace are often not heard the same way when spoken by men? Often, when women demonstrate drive and determination in the workplace, they violate gender stereotypes of women as sensitive, communal caregivers.

In her book Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg sums up a catch-22 that confronts women professionals. She cites a study by Frank Flynn (Columbia Business School) and Cameron Anderson (University of California, Berkeley). who asked participants read a description of an outgoing, well-connected, successful venture capitalist. Some were told that the person’s name was Howard and others that it was Heidi.

The participants judged both Heidi and Howard to be equally competent. However, Howard was judged to be pleasant to work with while Heidi was judged to be a selfish and unappealing colleague.

Why must women, and not men, bend over backward to appear likeable and communal? Sandberg admits it is unfair but acknowledges that “adhering to biased rules and expectations” is still the clearest path to advancement for most women, even today.

Gender bias is present in many industries women lead today. Women often have to play the nicer role to be accepted by other women as well as by some men.

Women can start changing the dialog by not saying:

I am sorry…

I think…

I am not sure…

I am just lucky to be included…

These phrases can inadvertently weaken one’s stance at work, especially for women in leadership roles.

Mary

Mary, an accomplished lawyer, constantly uses the “I am sorry” phrase. Instead of saying I am sorry all the time, she could say “Thank you for your patience.” This small shift boosts your confidence in yourself and what others perceive of your abilities.

Susan

When presenting a marketing strategy, Susan always began the discussion with “I think…..”. Someone suggested that she sounded unsure of her ideas and therefore did not move forward with the vote to implement her strategy. “I think” can undercut a person's authority and the validity of their ideas. An alternative Susan learned for her next presentation was, “I recommend this direction because…. “. She shared that the small change resulted in a positive outcome and acceptance of her plan.

Elizabeth

As a young entrepreneur, Elizabeth was making a pitch to an angel investing group, requesting funding for her start-up. When asked a question for which she didn’t have an immediate answer, she said, “I am not sure of that research and development finance budget”. That response cost her the chance for funds as the group voted not to move forward.

When making her pitch to a second angel group and again was unsure of a response, she said, “I will get back to you on that question, but let’s talk about the other areas right now”. Elizabeth ended up getting back to the team with the information and was granted a second chance at a pitch, which resulted in a significant investment. Certainly, it is proper to neither lie nor deceive when you don’t have an answer at your fingertips, but skillful deflection and a promise to answer later can avert a deal-breaking result.

Audrey

As administrator to a business school MBA program, Audrey was invited to join a panel at a conference for other similar university programs. She replied with “I am just lucky to be included, so, yes, I accept this opportunity”. A better reply would have been “I am excited to contribute to this conference,” which would highlight her enthusiasm and the value she brings to the conference.

Even slight adjustments of language can more precisely convey skills and intentions, creating a work environment that values women’s contributions on an equal footing. Adopting certain phrases embodies confidence, clarity, and competence.

In conclusion, the catch-22 is that words women use at work really matter. Those words can either support perceived weaknesses or reflect a strong and supportive leader.