Write Your Mini-Memoir

A recent article in The New York Times encouraged the reading of memoirs for mental health. Memoirs of famous successful people, it explained, could show those struggling with mental health how famous successful people overcame the disappointments, failures, and setbacks of their lives to become productive and reasonably happy people.

As a clinical psychologist, I, too, recognize the value of memoirs. But I use the concept of memoirs in a different way. I encourage depressed or anxious patients to write what I call a “mini memoir” of no longer than one page on a regular schedule.

Writing a mini-memoir is very different than the very popular idea of journaling. In mini-memoirs, an individual is to recall in detail at least one incident or experience that occurred earlier in their life that may have made a considerable difference in later overcoming a distressing behavior, habit, personality trait,or thought process.

It is important for each of us to not only recognize negative earlier-life experiences that may have gotten stuck in our emotional DNA but to also acknowledge and appreciate positive aspects of our life development. And, in fact, when patients ask how I overcame feelings of shyness and social anxiety, I often share with them the example of a mini-memoir that I wrote.

This is how it reads, in its entirety:

"Of all the sports, boxing probably was my father‘s favorite. He could not afford tickets to marquis boxing matches at the old, original Madison Square Garden. So he bought the cheap tickets instead—and when we got to that mammoth indoor arena, my father strode inside like a man who knew he was somebody special, his bank account balance be damned!

“Stealthily, he slid a dollar or two into the palm of one of the ushers, and, in exchange, that usher would lead us to a ringside seat! This daring on my father's part startled me, a pretty cautious boy. It scared and embarrassed me. Heaven forbid that we get caught, although sometimes we did: The real holder of those prime seats would show up to claim them. But not a problem—the usher would lead me and my cool-as-cool-can-be father to another ringside seat that also granted a fabulous view of a very good show.

“I was so uncomfortable when my father, kind but forceful, made me follow him to seats that we had not paid for. All the way to those ringside seats , I took his arm, resisting and begging him not to break the rules.

“Unbeknownst to me, and perhaps to my father, those forays into Madison Square Garden were teaching me the value of being a bold, audacious, courageous adventurer. As an adult, of course, I understand the ethical issues that my father (unfortunately) chose to ignore. But at the same time, I also learned to refuse to be bound and entangled by the coveted comfort zones that might restrict me from standing up and moving forward towards the goals that would satisfy deeply felt needs. I might sometimes have to be willing to risk another‘s disapproval of me to achieve a desired goal.”

Several patients have reported to me how useful writing a mini-memoir has been for them. It helps them to recollect and fully understand earlier life experiences experiences that have the power to help shape their ability to be happier and more productive.