Let Life Come to You, and Seize the Day

Source: Elena Alexandra Vatavu / Unsplash

Most of us want to make life choices that will generate the greatest degree of satisfaction and to decide which will. The first step is to decide what, if anything, is in your control. If you decide that a situation is obviously out of your control, then you have two choices. You can resist the life coming to you, or you can let it come to you. If a set of circumstances is clearly in your control, you can take directed action that will likely yield a desired outcome. Or, you can decide that although you’re able to seize the day, it doesn’t interest you and you don’t exercise your will.

Let Life Come to You

When the situation is way beyond our control, allowing life to come to us is a viable option. The other option is to resist what’s coming. An obvious example would be a vehicle crossing over into your driving lane at 50 mph. You would likely resist life coming to you. Or, you’re on a beach and hear the roar of a tsunami. However, it’s not always obvious whether resisting life or letting it come would be the preferred alternative. Ambiguity is heightened when we feel a measure of loss or discomfort with what life brings.

In 2019, I was diagnosed with Ménière’s condition, which left me immobilized for 2 to 5 hours at a time. My immediate reaction was to resist, which accomplished nothing. By the end of that year, I became less resistant and more curious. What was this condition asking of me? It became only too obvious that I was being asked to get honest about balance in my life. The balance between work and leisure, between alone time and time with friends, time attending to serious considerations, and time living with a light heart. Life came to me with a powerful message, one that was difficult to ignore.

Carpe Diem

Seizing the day can feel exhilarating and victorious. We can feel immensely satisfied as we witness our best efforts yield their intended results. It can be anything from the menial task of fixing a leaky pipe to closing a business deal. The ego thoroughly enjoys its seizing adventures. Combined with willpower being the preferred dynamic in Western culture, it can create distortions regarding what is actually in our control.

Individuals, groups, and organizations are beyond our control. We only have control over others when they allow it, which is also applicable to our own children. Let’s look at some unfortunate consequences that can result from trying to control what’s out of our control or overdoing the seizing.

• Physical and emotional fatigue. It can be physically and emotionally exhausting to push against the tides of life when they surpass our greatest efforts.
• Self-degradation. It’s easy to turn against ourselves, deciding that our insufficient willpower reflects that we don’t have what it takes.
• Cynicism. Repeated efforts to change what will not be changed can result in a loss of faith in life.
• Resentment. The folks we try to control often resent us for the efforts, not feeling accepted for who they are.

It is also the case that we might not seize opportunities when we have control. Here are some ramifications of not stepping up.

• Deference. There can be the dynamic of deferring seizing the day to others. We can fall into defining ourselves as too small to live life on life’s terms.
• Missed opportunities. Chances to advance our lives relationally or occupationally are mishandled.
• Risk avoidance. Avoiding taking risks becomes habitual.
• Compromised maturation. Maturity greatly depends on learning and growing, and when we stop stepping into opportunities and taking responsibility to steward what is offered, we weaken our development.

The Dance

We can view choosing to seize the day and letting life come to you as a dance. Of course, life will mostly be in the lead, offering opportunities to seize the day. As mentioned earlier, it’s always OK to decide that life’s offering is mostly damaging and sit out the dance. However, my best wisdom is to encourage dancing whenever possible.

Here’s an example: A client of mine, Laura, who found the rhythm of seizing and allowing life to come to her, had been on numerous dating sites and was feeling disillusioned and frustrated. She decided to speak with Brad, the young man she was currently dating, exploring seizing and letting life come to her. She decided to tell hi, that she was feeling scared about their relationship (seizing). She remained curious about Brad’s reaction (letting life come to her). Brad told her that he felt nervous also (letting life come to her). After deciding Brad was being honest, she told him that she wanted to continue seeing him (seizing). Brad responded by telling her that he thought that was a great idea (letting life come to her). It’s noteworthy that Laura acted on her desire to disclose her fear, and it is a desire that often activates Carpe diem.

This is a small example of a dance that went quite favorably. Laura was willing to seize the day and speak honestly about her fear. The dance often involves risk, since elements of the risk (Brad’s reactions) were out of her control. The beauty of the dance is that it reflects the willingness and courage to live life on life’s terms. It also calls for feeling scared and having it be OK.