Don't Leave Your Social Connections to Chance

There are people we feel we run into "all the time." It's easy to think about the places we see them, the kinds of conversations we have, and the times we're most likely to bump into them. These chance encounters are the lifeblood of many of our relationships, especially with acquaintances and colleagues.

These distant relationships are important in life. Research shows that much valuable information, advice, knowledge, and help is obtained from our "weak ties" (sometimes even more than our strong ties). This is sensible. We share the same networks as our close friends and family, but our colleagues and acquaintances know people we do not know and have access to information our close-knit network lacks.

The false charm of chance encounters

Many of us are lackadaisical about these distant relationships. We assume we'll see our acquaintances and colleagues frequently enough to obtain these network benefits. It is very easy to think about the ways we run into these people in our everyday lives.

However, new research I conducted reveals a surprising truth: Although we think we frequently cross paths with acquaintances and colleagues, these encounters are less common than we imagine. We overestimate how often we interact with these important people.

This is sometimes called "the small-world illusion," we assume that the world is smaller than it is, and we overestimate how often we interact with other people.

This comes from a cognitive process known as availability bias. We vividly remember the spontaneous coffee-line chat or hallway hello, but we forget all the times we don’t see these people or narrowly miss them. As a result, our minds lull us into believing we’re connected enough.

I hope it is clear why this matters. Acquaintances—or “weak ties”—play a crucial role in expanding our social and professional opportunities. They are gateways to new information, perspectives, and connections. However, if we overestimate how often we interact with them, we risk missing out on their potential to enrich our social lives and give us advice and information.

Overcoming the illusion

How can we overcome this misperception and realize the benefits of our social networks?

One word: Intentionality. Instead of relying on chance encounters, we can actively cultivate these distant relationships.

For example, we can be intentional by scheduling meetings, commenting on a colleague's social media posts, organizing social or professional events, setting up quick catch-up calls, and generally being proactive in enacting interactions.

The old saying is that your network is your net worth. Don't leave your social network to chance encounters.

Turning intentions into actions

You might think, "I’d love to do this, but I’m too busy." Indeed, our modern lives often make it hard to keep track of all our obligations, let alone be intentional and proactive about our networks. But here’s some good news: You don’t have to manage this on your own; you can delegate.

As with many types of delegation, we have the high-end option and the low-end option.

The high-end option involves delegating to your team: You can get the help of an executive assistant to stay on top of your professional and social connections and calendar. This assistant can schedule meetings and catch-ups with colleagues and acquaintances, and they can also track how often you actually interact with them over time.

The low-end option involves delegating to tech. Scheduling apps or AI-powered assistants can track birthdays, anniversaries, or the last time you caught up with a contact. They can set reminders to reconnect with a former colleague or invite a co-worker for coffee at the office canteen. These tools require some setup on your part, but once in place, they can be effective.

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Final thought

There is a charming quality to chance interactions that happen organically as we go about our days. They can be pleasantly surprising, serendipitous, and exciting.

But there is a big payoff to planning and proactivity. When we take control of our social networks, the rewards can be substantial. Nurturing our "weak ties," our acquaintances and colleagues, can open doors to career opportunities, expand our knowledge and perspective, and increase our sense of belonging and happiness.

Don’t let the small-world illusion fool you. Take charge. Connect intentionally.